Atok...you are in my heart always

i was eagerly waiting for the weekend as my sister and her family planned to stay over at my place but after midnight i received a call that Atok was in a critical condition. Quickly packed my things and rushed back to Malacca. On the way, i decided to call Achik to check on Atuk's condition but to know that he has left us all. It is not something unexpected considering his old age and health condition but maybe i don't expect it would be so soon.

When i was small i love to watch Atok prepared his roti canai dough and he will sometimes give us a lil bit of the dough for us to play with. I still remember his 'kuah dalca'..it is so yummy and it has been my benchmark for 'kuah dalca' for all roti canai. Still clear in my mind helping Atok at his small restaurant by the beach.

He cooked for weddings including for few of cousins' big day. I love helping him with the preparation and cooking...a good way to develop my passion for cooking. More often than not, helping him has become a great pleasure until one of his helper said that i should get Atok to inherit me his recipes. I guess he has passed down all his recipes to my aunts and eventually down to us, his grandchildren.

His 'basikal tua' brings lots of memories to me...to my siblings and my cousins. It was his main transportation to go about and around. He cycled his 'basikal tua' to his small restaurant, mosque and sometimes visiting his childrens whether at home or stalls. We, the grandchildren love to play around with the bicycle. With that his 'basikal tua' i learned to cycle and my newly bought pyjama was torn because of that.

These few days i heard good things about Atok...poeple acknowledged his contributions to the mosque. One said Atok brought some changes while he was the imam. i also heard my uncle telling my aunt, an ustaz told his jamaah at the surau ( after knowing that Atok has passed away) how Atok still remember surah2 Sajadah at his age of 96. Despite his weak conditions, Atok still performed his prayers. Even an hour or so before he passed on, he told Achik he wanted to perform his prayer..but due the chaotic moment it he did not got the chance to perform his prayer.

My cousins and me sometimes teased him from far by saying "kesian org cina tua tu naik basikal"..this was because Atok's mom (our great grandmother) was from Hong Kong. Even Atok was born there...in Wan Chai. He told me, our great grandfather was HQ was in Wan Chai and he was based there. i guess he met my great grandmother over there.

Atok was shipcaptain before he got himself involved in business but he left his job during the war. Alhamdulillah he quit, the ship then was bombed by the Japanese.

This is not to brag about Atok, just express my admiration towards him and to share my story about him. He is my idol and he will be missed so dearly..

tranquility

my life is somewhat meaningful nowadays...there are things to look forward to rather than feeling blue. I have learn to push the negativity away and think of good things. i have great friends to thank to. Perhaps the new workplace have actually lessen my worries and burden, one thing that i am glad for. Maybe, just maybe it grows with the age. 2012 has been great so far.

Not forgetting my nephews and niece that have colour my life with their existence. I just wish that my parents have the chance to meet Ashraff and Aina..which is unlikely at the moment.

I know few of my friends are struggling in their life journey...my prayers are always with them. Insya'allah things are going to be better, don't give up. i heard this in Radio Ikim..

"yang baik tak semestinya baik dan yg tidak baik tidak semestinya tidak baik. Allah Maha Mengetahui"

Yeay!! Let's Blog and Rock

I am glad that Cekya decided to start blogging again…am hoping that others will also follow suit.
Let’s continue with the old routine..visiting each other blog. Masyi and Lun..waiting for you guys to update. I know Cekmi, Jimi and Awan still update their blogs. Awan, please open the blog to all..miss reading it.

Welcoming myself to the blogging area...again

it has been really really long since i last stepped here. today, whilst driving to work, i told myself perhaps i should blog again. I know most of us have stop blogging with the existence of facebook, twitter and other social medias as status can be updated whenever and wherever.

let's blog again...i met a lots of good people through blogging and they are part of my life now.

Another Year...

Looking at old photos, reminiscing the past, remembering how i walked through my life, i must say i am feeling blessed and grateful for all the things i have.

Today, i am a year older and i hope to continue the journey gracefully. Insya'allah.

Coming Home

i am back to where i belong
but yet,

i still feel alone.

Deeply hurt

Right now I am still hurts by some of the things said by them. I wish that one day they will understand how hard it is for me.

I feel so alone, lost and the hurt is deep.

Sorry for everything.

Letting Go

These few weeks has been quite tough for me. I wanted so very much for thing to be like it used to be but everything seems to fall apart and i can't do much about. It is so frustrating and leads me to feel so helpless. One person i am counting also have give up hope, what is there for me to look forward to. There and then i decided to let go eventhough i know letting go is the hardest thing to. I have been clinging to the idea that one day he and me might be together. I have been comparing everyone i am with to him...not a good thing to do but just can't help it. Now after so so many years, nothing seems to change. Worst, we are so drifted away from each other. It has come to a point that i feel i should not dream for the impossible. Maybe it is not meant to be after all. I never thought that a day would come for me to say goodbye to all of it. Kind of sad but there is not point of holding on to something is not there. Going to be hard to kill the feelings and emotions that have built inside me for years.

There still a lot that i want to let out of my system and say to him but i better just stop here. I pray to Allah to give the strength to get through this.

This too shall pass.

Ingin dia tahu

tetiba aku jadi sangat rindu pada dia..and i can't tell him i that
i want him to know that he is still in my mind after all these years.
he will not like it..he would want me to move on.
i did but it did not went that well..in times i missed him so.

Dream and Reality

some of our dreams will never turn into a reality, no matter how hard we tried. it's kinda tough but we got to learn to live with it or forever live in denial.

time to grow up
accept the reality
and move on

fullstop.

Taiping : a simple but very memorable journey

once in a blue, comes along someone you can get along really well and have the same wavelength Alhamdulillah, i had great pleasure of experiencing the most memorable holiday in my life so far with 3 wonderful person.

Amar, he is someone dear to my heart whom i have befriend with him for more than 10 years. Syukur, it stay strong until now. Cekya, she is like a sister to me whom i share my ups n down with...i know i can count on her. Addy, is a new addition and the youngest among us. Still lots to know about him but so far, i have no complaints.

At first, I was reluctant to bring Amar over to the picnic at Putrajaya...i was scared if he couldn't get along with Addy and Kadok. Then putting aside the negative thoughts, i let him do so. Frankly, i am very glad i did that. He aced.

i can't remember who suggested Taiping trip but i do know these :-
a. i had a very good time and keep playing in my mind over and over again.
b. we can say just practically anything about each other and then laugh about it out loud.
c. we treated every place we visited as if we are at our own living room
d. we are photo-fetish..that explains the thousand over photos that we took.
e. Amar and addy are like old married couple. They fight like nobody business but they still care about each other. Cekya and myself are the mediator. :)
f. wish kadok and as were there too
g. i can do this again and again...

My personal note:-
Amar - i personally don't say this a lot...love you. it feels like old times. thanks for being our supir.
Cekya - there's a lot of things i don't share with others, let alone my sister but with you, i want to tell everything...be the 1st one to know.
Addy - welcome abroad. please be patient with us..we can go crazy in times.

Taiping brings lots of memories, fonder hearts and the experience beyond words. I love them all for making the journey a memorable one..

Uneasy Feelings.

The visit the doctor's office this morning leave me with an uneasy feelings until now. The urine test showed a 56L/mg reading on urine albumin. Then normal reading should be below 21 L/mg. It means some problem with the kidney. Even though according to the doctor the leakage is only 2%, it still worries me. Instantly, i pictured my mom and what she been through all these years and it scared me to the bones. Tried very hard to contain my tears in front of the doctor. Perhaps what i am feeling is only 1% of those who been told that they have terminal illness and have few months to live. Nevertheless, it was enough to make me shivered and it has somehow affected my mood.

He then prescribed with hypertension pills to prevent more leakage. According to the doctor, the hypertension pills have dual function and one of it is to prevent the leakage from becoming worse. But first, I have to do blood profile in order determine the dosage for me which i will only start after my traveling.

This is a wake up call for me to change my lifestyle. I need to start exercising, control my glucose level, do more reading, see a dietitian etc.. I hope i have a very strong willpower to do all this.

Thanks my dear friends for all your support and advices. Please pray for me.

here i belong...

After using wordpress for few months..i think, i prefer using blogspot. It is much more easy.

I haven't blog for quite sometime. Did i miss it? Frankly, i did not...but i miss my blogsahabat. Not only that i did not update my blog, i also did not update myself with my blogsahabat latest news.

I met Richa in person, at last. Pretty lil girl. Went to Kadok's place with Cekya and Addy (whom i also met for the first time). Enough said, we had a good day and planning for a picnic after this.

Till next time, take care.

An addition to the family..another one

My sis just got engaged last saturday. Alhamdulillah, all went well. The wedding insya’allah somewhere in december. Going to b a very simple wedding.

One of my cousins also plan to be engaged this coming november.

Perginya Tak Kembali

Aku tak pernah lupa untuk mengikuti perkembangannya..sedari ia lahir ke dunia sehinggalah sekecil ini meninggalkan kita semua.

Amir Yusuf, nama yang begitu indah untuk anak yang istimewa ini. Ketabahan dan semangat juangnya sangat tinggi hinggakan aku jadi amat kagum dan terharu. Tiap kali melawati blog ayahanda Amir, aku pasti berdebar kerana tak tahu what to expect. Ada suka, ada duka. Aku mengharapkan yang terbaik untuknya.

Hari ini, setelah beberapa hari tidak melayari internet, aku terus ke blog Fajar untuk mengetahui perkembangan anakanda Amir. Begitu teringat kepada anakanda Amir Yusuf. Kunjungan kali ini begitu berbeza…diselimuti rasa sedih yang amat. Allah lebih mengetahui dan menyayangi Amir Yusuf.

Alfatihah buat anakanda Amir Yusuf yg telah pulang kepadaNya pada 6 Mac 2009.

Buat Fajar, Anis dan Najla – tabahkan hatimu menghadapi segala ujianNya. Allah mengetahui apa yang terbaik.

Salam Aidilfitri

Selamat Hari Raya buat semua

Maaf atas segala salah and silap.

Ramadhan Kali Ini

It’s the month of Ramadhan once again. All the same except this year, Ayah is no longer with us to celebrate Ramadhan. Emak pun dah cakap tak nak buat raya preparation macam last year sebab Ayah dah tak ada. On the other hand, Sal is now part of the family. This year, Anuar will beraya with his wife.

To all, selamat berpuasa. Rasa malas nak tulis, nanti sambung lagi

To be or not to be

I am swarmped with works. Terkejar-kejar. Sampai mimpi pasal kerja. Ermmm.

I strongly believe one will be punished by Allah for their bad deeds one day. Someone said this to me once which stick like a glue in my head..”takkan selamanya susah.” Allah Maha Kaya.

It’s almost 9pm…nak balik rumah. Esok another day.

After months of silence…

I has been quite sometime since i last posted an entry or visited my blog. So much to tell..somehow laziness just swept me away from posting any entry. If i could post an entry just by thinking about it, the words will be flowing like river. I know there are loyal visitor who once did complain why there was no updates. This one is for you, my dear.

Work has been very hectic and tiring at times. Being a new start-up, there are lots of things to put place in such a little time. Nevertheless, quoting from my boss “yes, there are lots of works but i am much more happy here than in ***.” I can’t agree less. Definitely, more happier mentally and spiritually. I feel the sense of belonging. Here their ‘Badan Kebajikan Islam’ is very active. We have Yassin and Mathurat recitals every months, Tafsir and Iqra’ classes every Monday and Thursday. As well as, kuliah agama by Ustaz/Ustazah on Tuesday and Friday. For the first time in my working life, i find a balance..dunia dan akhirat. Something which is quite difficult to find in this modern days. Alhamdulillah.

My ex-housemate is now staying with me. It’s good to have company, …cast away the loneliness. And recently, i got myself a cat…Kiddy is his name. Such a cutie.

I still misses my dad…no doubt about that. My situation is a reversal of Lun, I think I was much closer to him than with my mom…I always asked him before making any important decisions. I missed our telephone conversations, i missed talking to him in the car and i missed all about him. i longed to have that moment again..i know it’s impossible. My heart ache. This is so sad, even now as i write. One can never understand until they are in the situation.

here again but…

it was her birthday. should be a joyful day.

it was on the contrary, she did not feel it.

a pretense of happiness.

she is bleeding deep inside.

she feels alone…more than ever.

unsettling thoughts

While i succeed in career, i fail miserably in personal department.

It does haunt me sometimes if not everyday.

I enjoy my independent, but can’t deny the need of companionship.

There’s a missing link in my life.

Sometimes i wonder will i ended up alone in old folks home.

Am i experiencing a mild depression?

I need sugar and spice to my life.

If i fall in love again…

If i fall in love again, i want to be someone who can control her emotions and not compromise with unwelcome negative thoughts that make herself uneasy and sad.

If i fall in love again, i want a person who loves me more than my love for him and it is not because i am being selfish but for once i want to know how it feel to really be loved by someone.

If i fall in love again, i want to be showered with surprises every now and then. Not asking for something fancy, something simple and sweet but will be just as lovely because it comes from someone i love.

If i fall in love again, i want it to be the last and the one.

the best is out there

I am honored knowing there is someone who actually notice my capabilities when people in my own department keep a blind eyes and would rather employ outsider than develop the talent within the organization. Had he offered to take me in his department much earlier i wouldn’t be looking for another job and gladly accepted his offer. The opportunity learning from one of the best can be quite tempting. Almost change my mind about leaving but wouldn’t be fair to my future boss because i have promised to join him and he is willing to buy out my two months notice. Another thing at back of my mind was whether can he really pull the string in getting me in when my own department is also shorthanded and the decision is in the hand of the CEO. Say if he does, the environment is still status quo, i will still feel like the low caste employee like what i am feeling now and there is no guarantee that it will change…not for any time soon.

Having a confused mind, i sought to istikharah, seeking guidance from Allah to make the choice of my future. I woke the next morning with a firm decision and did all that need to be done. I am still being bombarded with questions,even today, by my colleague who would be very happy if i joined her department as to what are my decision and trying to convince me why i should take the offer. Later on the evening, received a phone call from the future employer informing my medical check-up went well and they need my joining date for them to issue the offer letter.

I can foresee ‘interesting days’ ahead of me with lots of questions, answers and reasoning to be made to the decision i made.

As so far what i can say is “Alhamdulillah, it all went well”. Allahu Akbar.

---

No longer here

new year, new place
~~ Bubbles of thoughts

Show me the light

About a year ago, a friend told me about a job in Dubai but things weren’t so certain at that point of time whether it’s going to materialize. I then joined the present company..which won’t be long before I tender my resignation (please pray it all go well). I had second thoughts before I handed over my application to my ex-boss. I did ask if the Dubai thingy is definite, still can’t give me solid answer. I had to find another job soon or I will go cuckoo. I’d rather leave than not appreciated.

Just when I am about to go for my employment medical check-up, I was told that the Dubai thingy is on. She wanted my resume, saying the director is looking for his right man and she have me in mind. I gave my word to my ex-boss that I will join them and at the same time I really want the opportunity of working abroad.

Oh dear…I am so in the dilemma!!!

breeze your way

A year ago i had a crush on someone. Yesterday, after keeping it for a while, my good friend broke the news..she is going settle down. With him.

It’s hard for her to let the words out..i know.i am shocked still but what really matters are for both of them to have a blissful marriage.

should i be sad or be glad?

Cakap Memang Senang

My bro is getting married in June and my family have decided untuk upah a cook in order to save the cost. My aunties and uncles disagreed with the idea and prefer catering with reasons tak ada orang nak tolong with the preparation. Konon area my house tu org susah nak datang tolong. Takkanlah duduk berpuluh tahun tak ada org nak datang tolong bila kenduri kahwin. They gave all sorts of reasons. Instead thinking of the ways to smoothen the process, they gave all the negative thoughts and bombarded my mom with it. Damn!!

Really pissed off and sedih. Bukanlah nak mengungkit, when their daughters/sons got married, i really helped them out but bila my bro mcm2 cakap...so much for families!!

Perhaps Cekya is right after all.

***
the doctor has confirmed my fears...sugar in blood quite high. 12.50. Sigh!!!
new lifestyle now...

Oh let me shut my eyes, close out

Something is missing and i just hate the feeling.

Alfatihah for my auntie, Achik Eton. She passed away last Friday.

Bad, bad, bad guys are out there!!!!

I am officially a Pandan Jaya resident now that I have moved there. I am still tired of the moving, unpacking and rearranging. Lots more to go. Probably will finish in few days.

On Saturday, Cekya and I went to Zoo Negara as we had a photoshoot job there. On our way back, suddenly there was something wrong with the air-cond and I saw the heat meter was pointing at the red box. I quickly stopped at the opposite of 7-eleven Pandan Jaya. I was about to open the bonnet when one Indian guy appeared out of nowhere and asked "kenapa? Kereta rosak ke? At the back of my mind I was thinking how did he know…I might be just checking the engine. I nodded and planned to go to 7-E to buy a bottle of mineral water. He told me he got water and pour into the radiator. The water came out of the bottom of the radiator..the flow like there were two holes. It puzzled me because my car was okay in the morning. If there was some problem with the radiator, there should be some signs. He said he can arrange for repair. I remembered Nora told me, her neighbor have a workshop and just told him need to go to my aunt place…and it's a walking distance. He gave me his number if I decided to repair and mentioned that most of the workshops were already closed. Mindboggling and puzzled, I came to an assumption..my instinct told me that these guys must have tampered with the radiator and had been trailing me. Luckily I used the Pandan Jaya route, if I were to used the Kepong route, they might succeeded in getting the money.

It still pissed me off because I have to fork out extra money to repair the radiator when I also have to pay the house rental and deposits for the house I moved in not to mention other expenses. My budget is very tight this month.

Semua itu telah berlalu
Harapanku palsu
Dan mungkin hari yang satu
Terus ku tertunggu

Di hatiku masih kamu
Belum pernah ku ingin terus memburu

Aku lemah tanpa kamu
Ku inginmu dampingi ku
Aku fahami aku bukan terbaik
Tuk dirimu

Namun aku tetap aku
Yang terbaik tuk diriku
Hanya satu
Hanya kamu

Ku membiarkan hatiku
Tuk merinduimu
Ku menghamparkan sakitku
Tuk tatapan kamu

Welcome 2009!

Other are celebrating new year out there. Am down with fever and diarrhea. Can't seems to sleep..it's hot and sweat is rushing out.

Happy New Year!!

Will time heal the pain?

Reading love story books are always a challenge for me. Why? I always ended up in tears..well off course, not every book. Want to know why? I will think of him each time and it hurts. It's hard to shut off the memories. Reading the twilight series were also not an exception. Edward made me think of him so much and I was dragged into the story. I felt the hurt, my throat ached and tried very hard not to let my tears fell when Edward left Bella. Am I obsessed with the story? I guess, I am and Cekya will second that. I see myself in Bella. Sigh.

So, is it true when people say time will heal a broken heart? I didn't see it happening. It has been few years now. Someday I wished that someone will sweep my feet away and carry off the hurt. I still hear his voice and see his face. Truth is, I haven't gotten over him. Do I miss him? Yes, a lot.

"The waves of pain that had only lapped at me before now reared high up and washed over my head, pulling me under. I did not resurface."
Bella Swan, New Moon. Chapter 3, p.84

Yang terbaik

It has been a while since update. Lots to tell but rasa mcm tak ada mood nak update. Really not in the mood. Occasionally, I think of my dad and how I miss his presence. Sebak. Allah Maha Mengetahui.

Pagi tagi dapat news tentang Ibuk. She passed away last night in her battle against cancer. Aku terdiam kerana aku tahu apa yang Lun rasa saat itu. Kalau aku di SG, pasti sudah aku mendptkan dia. Hanya mampu menelefon dan give her support. Aku harap dia tabah. Pada aku, dia seorang anak yang begitu mengambil berat dan telah melakukan yang terbaik.

"My dearest Lun…semoga tabah menghadapi dugaan ini. You have tried your very best and I am sure Ibuk pun tahu. I am always here for you, always. Things are definitely going to change but take it one step at a time. Hugs and kisses."

On the other continent, kisahnya lain pula tetapi serupa. Pengorbanan. Seorang bapa/ibu terhadap anakanda tersayang, Amir Yusuf. Aku tidak pernah lupa untuk mengetahui the latest news about Amir. Sometimes it made me cry. Bagaimana insan sekecil itu telah menghadapi berbagai dugaan. Yang pasti Amir Yusuf seorang anak yang kuat. Moga Amir Yusuf akan cepat sembuh dan pulang ke rumah.

"Fajar dan isteri..kuatkan semangat. Ramai yang mendoakan Amir, insya'allah."

Aku mengharap 2009 will brings yang terbaik buat semua orang. Amin.

Another year has come and gone;The sands of time keep trickling away

 

Happy Birthday Cekya..

 

 

Birthday Wishes For My Friend

On your birthday,
I wish for you the fulfillment
of all your fondest dreams.
I hope that for every candle
on your cake
you get a wonderful surprise.
I wish for you that
whatever you want most in life,
it comes to you,
just the way you imagined it,
or better.
I hope you get as much pleasure
from our friendship as I do.
I wish we were sisters,
so I could have known you
from the beginning.
I look forward to
enjoying our friendship
for many more of your birthdays.
I'm so glad you were born,
because you brighten my life
and fill it with joy.

Happy Birthday!

By Joanna Fuchs

Kiranya Kau Tahu

Memasuki sempadan Melaka dua hari lalu, hatiku jadi begitu sayu. Ku cuba tahan air mata dari mengalir deras supaya adik aku tidak tahu betapa aku sedih.

Hari ini aku cuba jadi tabah..jadi kuat semangat. Tapi tewas aku dalam kesedihan dan rindu pada Ayah. Kadang-kadang aku rasa ayah masih ada. Tak pernah ayah menunggu aku membuat kuih raya tapi pada 28Ramadhan, ayah menungguku membuat kuih suji sampai 3 pagi. Berborak tentang apa yg di tanam di kebun, berbual tentang pokok yg kutanam. Ayah kata nanti nak tolong kemaskan laman rumah aku. Allah Maha Mengetahui, rupanya ayah akan meninggalkan kami.

Aku rasa hilang. Selama ini, dia lah tempat aku bercerita, bertanya pendapat dan meminta pertolongan. Rindunya. Tak terucap oleh kata. Baru aku faham beginilah Awan rindukan Dadimanya. Emak juga begitu rindukan ayah.

Alfatihah buat Ayah.

Jalinan Kasih

Indah namanya. Adi Armand.

Tahniah Lis dan Ari atas kelahiran cahayamata yang pertama pada 7 Syawal.

Lots of things on my plate

Adakala aku rasa ayah masih ada bersama kami, then reality checks. Terdiam.

Banyak benda yg perlu difikir dan diuruskan...my plate is full. Bilamana aku jadi buntu dan penat I will say to myself if he can do it why can't I.

Aku perlu jadi kuat untuk mereka especially emak. Banyak rasa terpendam. More often than not, aku terasa sungguh keseorangan. Lost. Suzi ada F, Anuar ada S, Lan ada A. Aku? Hanya ada aku.

Hanya yg mengalaminya akan faham.

Alfatihah Buat Ayah

3 Syawal kali ini tak sama dengan tahun2 sebelumnya. Ayah meninggalkan kami semua secara mengejut.

Aku rindu sangat pada Ayah. Rasanya terlalu banyak lagi yang ingin kuberikan padanya.

Sedih untuk bercerita.

Alfatihah untuk Ayah tersayang. Moga Allah merahmati rohnya dan ditempatkan bersama orang2 yang beriman.

Ayah jangan risau, kami adik-beradik akan jaga emak dengan sebaik mungkin.

Yati sayang Ayah.

Buat semua, "terima kasih"

High Hopes

We are sometimes reminded not to put high hopes. Well, can't help it. I am putting a very high hope on this one. Want the job badly. Been praying everyday that i will secure an interview and eventually the job.

Please pray for me too...

"Wishing and hoping

and thinking and praying,

planning and dreaming"

Two people don't think alike

Marah? Jadi tanda tanya. Takkan kerana we don't see eye to eye on the issue menyebabkan kau merasa tidak selesa.

I look forward to tell you what happened yesterday..share something i consider a happy thing. You just logged out without me got the chance to tell. Now dah tak rasa nak bercerita. Just doakan utk saya...

My blogsahabats...pls doakan i juga...nanti wtl belanja @ johnny's or theobrama.

Good Teacher, Bad Teacher

We are blessed to have good teachers, like Jimi and someone I know of, who are very dedicated and have a high commitment towards their responsibilities to educate our kids in becoming a better person in their future lives. I am sure there are a lot of those teachers out there whom we look at with full admiration and wish our kids will be taught by that kind of teachers. I would say my teachers were those who dedicate their lives to the profession and I can still remember them well. How I am grateful to them for what I have become today.

Having saying all these, i can deny out there in the system there are teachers who are plain lazy and couldn't care less about their students. And for the fact to no stern action taken against them..these situations will prolong. My neighbor, Ogy once complained about an English teacher of her son who did not teach him properly and some very prominent grammatical errors were marked correct by her. She brought forward the case to the teacher and her replied was 'terlepas pandang'. I was astonished. How can she make such a mistake? Syakirin was lucky to have a mom who checks his school works everyday and know the English grammars. What happened to those students whom their works are not checked? I wonder.

I got a friend..a teacher friend who complained about his fellow teachers. How they just left their class unattended..give lame reason of things that he/she need to do when what he/she do is only sit at one corner doing nothing or pretending to do something. There are also those who pretend to teach only when the principal is doing her/his rounding. I asked him if the teacher is not teaching it will show in the exam results of that particular subject for sure. That would not be a problem as the kids were given the questions offhand and sure the results will turn out to be a beauty. I was shocked. What will become of our children? What are actions taken against those teachers? They will be given few advices, scolds or transferred to another school. That wouldn't solve the problem at all. I did ask why didn't he considered be transferred to another school and he answer was simple. What will happen to my students if I were to leave. How are we glad there are still good teachers out there.

What is the role of the PIBG now? I know PIBG has played their role but how strong are their views being taken into consideration? Should there be a change management in the school system? What is the JPN and KPM doing about this? I think..my personal view, these problems is more prevailing in suburban than the urban. Something need to be done…and quick.

Just my two cents.

Backseat

i have begin to question myself once more if i made a right decision. I feel like vomiting, feel like crying, screaming etc etc. I don't see my work as challenging anymore...been doing data entry most of time. No challenge at all andit sucks!! How long can i last? Very minimal underwriting work. Some asked me to be patient. It has been 7 months now...how long more can i bear? Yes, the money and the environment are good but at the end of the day, it's all about the job. If you don't have the passion, going to work is like dragging yourself to the death chamber.

I need to really sit down and think of what i want, from there develop strategies as what need to be done.

A Second Blast

After a month of planning and headache, it was a success. The second reunion was held at Holiday Inn with a bigger crowd than before. About 31 of us turned up plus 2 teachers. It was a blast. We had fun catching up with stories of our lives. We agreed that this should be done yearly. Some even suggested we do a family day. Had that in mind too...but let me breathe for a while before come up with the family day thingy.

Linda and Atin..thanks for all your support. This wouldn't happen without your help and strong commitment.

New In Town..

Looks like we don't have to go to London..it's coming to us. Saw it on my way to break fast. Cekya..hope we can get the chocolate you talked about.

Be strong, Be patient

I saw her online today and said to myself 'she is on leave I suppose'. I dropped a few lines saying hi and asked her how is life is treating her. She replied by saying not feeling that well. Later I asked her about ibuk. She just asked me to read her blog. This must be something big. True enough..the cat got my tongue. I can understand how it feels like. It is news that any daughters/sons wouldn't want to hear. She and her family had been through a lot lately. I pray that things will be better for her and her family. She is one really nice lady and she deserve the best in life.

My dearest Lun..be strong for her and take good care of yourself. My prayers will be with you. I am here if you need someone to talk to. Love you girl.

The lrt putra had a track problem yesterday and had to be operated manually. It took us..myself, Cekya and Marissa (my colleague) almost 2 hours to reach KLCC. The train stopped about 15-20 minutes each station. It was really packed and hot. Standing all the way from Kelana Jaya to KLCC was not something enjoyable too..my feet hurts. Can't imagine those with high heels. I know Cekya couldn't wait to get out of the train. She was practically trying hard to prevent herself from vomiting due to someone's body odor. I saw one lady rubbing her nose and later pull her shirt's collar to her nose. The odor must be so strong…yucks.

I have been planning for a second reunion to be held in Melaka. I have appointed a few people to help with the preparation since they are there. It is quite frustrating because it is not progressing as I hope. They have not come back with the updates on the location and price. Linda and I feel somewhat disappointed. She is going back this weekend and plan to check with the hotels there. I am still locating some of our friends and making phone calls on the reunion. Come on guys..both of us can't be doing all. Help us out!!!

HIM - "The most devastating thing happened to me…"

memories of old days

I did post the entry earlier and removed. I decided to post the entry....

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am bored being me…bored with my work, my day to day routine. Need something new, colourful and exciting.

Weeks ago, I was toying with phone when I suddenly saw his old smses..it left me speechless and sad. Brought back the memories and it still lingers. How I wish things will be different. No matter how bad I want to turn back the clock..it is not impossible. He is still in my heart and mind. Whenever I think of him I will try hard not to be sad or cry..so far I managed to do that. Not sure for how long tho…

"you have done so much for me. syg You have suffered enough. I tak tahu mcmana nak balas budi you. You have brought joy and love in my life, I will not forget that. All I can afford is a word of thanks. Let the love rest with me syg."

"if you love me, doa for me. All I need now is your prayers. Buat bekalan nanti"

I haven't hear any news from him..not sure if he is still around. My prayers is with him. How i love him so and my heart still ache

Tea Talk...The Reunion

It was great to see each other after 20 years. We hugged each other and become the noisiest crowd there. Most of us did not changed that much...can be recognised easily. We talked about our schooldays..a bunch of naughty students we were. I am sure our teachers will be proud of us..these naughty students are now doing well in life. We were loud until the chef came and greeted us. He was impressed when we said this is our first meet up after 20-23 years. Friends from UK, Kedah, Melaka texted me asking about the reunion and how they misses us.

13 of us came that day. Chom was first to arrive and checked in the hotel. When i reached the lobby, Anealka was already there. Both of us when to the restaurant and waited for the others. Linda, Emi and Faiz make it there minutes after that, followed by Derk, Suzilla, Fizah, Chom and Blur. Derk told us that Zura can't make it because she was sick. Pity her..she really looking forward to attend the reunion. We helped ourselves with the food while waiting for Roy. Another round of hugging when she arrived. One of us called Atiqah, persuaded her to come which she did later. Roha called me from her office wanting to join as her hubby will be a bit late...

Only 13 of us but we were loud especially when it comes to taking pictures...i can't imagine how it would be like if all 98 of us are together.

It was fun...really really fun and i miss my girlfriends already.

After 20-23 years....

This saturday is going to be great...and i am all excited.

Linda, Emi and I were having our regular meet-up, when we decided to call one of our schoolmate. She suggested that we should meet up on that week but Linda and I can't make it. So we plan to meet her this week. Since we are meeting her, i smsed few of my other friends in KL/Selangor informing them about the meet-up. Then i started to get names of others who are in KL/Selangor...as well as those in Malacca and other states. The hunt begins and the name list getting even longer than what i had expected..this is so, so overwhelming. I didn't know many of my schoolmates are here. So, this two weeks i have been collecting numbers and calling my schoolmates..

With them around here, i have planned for a mini reunion this saturday..from only 6 people, i now have 17 people confirming their attendance. Hoping to get more mobile numbers and attendees. Some of those i haven't seen for 20-23 years. Few of them will be coming all the way from Malacca. I guess this is a kickstart before a grand reunion in the near future.

Everybody seems very excited...i am too. loving it.

Lun...i am also having reunion like you. :) Miss u too girl!!!

be patience..it pays off

Alhamdulillah...tak terhingga. Thanks dearie.

Had a bad day last Friday. Never thought that a friend that I have known for the past 23 years would lashed out her anger at me. She said that we (my 2 other friends and me) bitched about her and boycotted her and that we be her friend when it is a laughing matter but not when she is down. I was stumped and hurt with what she says and still is. How could she even said that..we helped her find a job when she kept on complaining about her job. She turned down the job offer as Legal Manager..that was what got us disappointed. Maybe we are a bit pushy but it doesn't mean we have bad intentions. We are happy if she is. My friend want to have a meet up this Wednesday and I don't think I want to turn up.

Sent my car for a wash and when it was all done, I noticed that my Hush Puppies shoes were not in the car. Went back to the carwash and asked them. As I had guessed..

Everything that’s in it

Is it a good move? Environment and salary wise, no doubt it is. Work wise…it's not something that I am enjoying at the moment. My work is more to administration rather underwriting. Underwriting is only 10% as compared to admin work. I miss my previous job, it's the environment that I don't miss. I am trying to be patient but when I see one of my colleague is learning lots of new things from her superior…I can sense the envy feelings inside me. I have asked one of my superior to teach me things I need to know about treaty and nothing happened. I miss the major renewals..in fact as I was typing this, he is doing all the works by himself. I am lucky to get the chance to do the 10% underwriting work..that is when if he is really bogged down with work or when he is on leave.

Today, I got the shocking news. My ex-boss tendered his resignation. I never thought that he would ever leave the company…I was wrong. It is said the offer was too good to decline. Good for him. I guess he was approached by whoever it was long time ago..before I resigned from the company. He hinted me once about him not going to be long and I replied by saying I would leave first. True enough. If he would ever ask me to join him, I for sure will consider. In fact, I did text him..winks, winks.

The other day, my dad passed out for a while at a pump station near Ayer Keroh (abt 20 minutes from house) and he called my mom to fetch him as he couldn't ride his bike home. My mom had to asked my neighbour's son to drive her there. It was during peak hour…lunch time. My mom was a bit late. No one offered to help out, luckily, one of neighbor happened to pass by to refuel his motorcycle. He called my mom and she him that she is on her way. When my mom reached the pump station, she saw my dad was in bad condition. He said he has been vomiting and had to stop few times and at the pump station he just too weak to move. He did want to go to the hospital and opt to go to clinic instead. The first clinic they want to go was closed. So, they went to another clinic. The doctor said that my dad has food poisoning. What really annoyed me is that no one help him while he was lying there. So much for "Caring Malaysian". To hell with that!!!!

mental block...blearghhh!!!

Yes, it has been quite sometime since my blog was last updated. Seems like there is nothing much to say..no tale to tell.

Now, i am cracking my head my to write next. better leave it as it is.

Chao baby!!!

Clueless

Need to do something to make my job interesting .Damn…I am bored...sebab tak banyak kerja. I have to practically think of what to do next. Is this one of those days that u rasa u wanna scream your heart out? ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Called my dad before balik. He was at the hospital and when i asked him who was warded, he just replied..nothing to worry. I rasa sure my mom yg masuk hospital. True enough. My dad hantar to the emergency last night sebab she had difficulty breathing. He said now dah okay..dah boleh makan. I did ask him why tak beritahu. He said tak teruk sebab tu tak beritahu...alahai ayahku ini. Sabar jelah. I know he meant well, tak nak us to worry but i would prefer that he would tell tak kira teruk or tak. Doctor said boleh keluar in 1-2 days time. I am going back this weekend. Doakan my mom sihat okay..

where has the rainbow gone

That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

almost everyday i ask myself over and over where did i go wrong. all my apologies didn't mean a thing? 3 years of friendship just went down the drain. i am not asking for much, just what are my mistakes until you shut me off. One day i wish, that we will be friends again. Until that one day comes, you will always be on my mind and prayers.

We have 2 photo jobs this weekend..and few jobs in this months. I have butterflies flying in my stomach. Insya'allah we will do fine. Going to be a tiring month but worthwhile.

Losing someone...

"If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
Id take back those words that have hurt you
And you'd stay"

Losing a friend is never easy..especially those who you share your happiness and sadness with. It is even harder when you eagerly want to share something with her/him and only to notice that she/he is no longer there for you. When a friend become a total stranger, it really sad. It sucks..big time!!!

Been there...and i wonder if i am the one who are overreacted. Ummmhh, i just don't know...i feel numb. Certain things are hard to explain...much more easier to just swallow.

I am supposed to go to Anugerah Planet Muzik with Cekya...got the VIP seat tickets. Did some shopping but still need to buy few things when Cekya called me telling me she can't make it as her aunt had passed away in a car accident. I meet her few times during the monthly tahlil at Cekya's house. All 6 people in the car (including the kids) were injured. Ika, Ira and Mai sustained either a broken land or arm..Mai on top of that suffered a fractured skull. The news really shocked me and i don't feel like going to Anugerah Planet Muzik. Lets pray a speedy recovery for all of them, especially Mai and Alfatihah buat Arwah Ngah.

A year older..

A year older....a year wiser? Not sure..but what i can say i am definitely more mature in my way of thinking and more careful in my actions. I have a fair bit of achievements that i am proud of..way to go gurl. Still, there are rooms to be even better and things that i want to achieve.

Thanks for the wishes.

Wouldn't have thought....

I have been wanting to go to Petronas Gallery as the Matahari exhibition is being held there but keep on delaying. Today with full determination, i walked under the hot sun to KLCC (so not me..) with the high hopes.My mind was focussed on going to the gallery and will just skip lunch. To my disappointment, the exhibition ended two days ago and the gallery is temporarily closed in preparation for another exhibition. Sigh!!! Lesson learnt...don't procrastinate, you will miss out a lot. So, decided to have lunch instead, all by myself.

After lunch, i went to Times and saw Cecelia Ahern's new book is already in store. Definitely to get my hand on that book. Since i still got a lot of time to spare, my next stop was Isetan. At first thought of buying green tea soya bean, but then i just settled for a bottle of creamy green tea. Need to tell Cekya about the book but i kind of forgot the title, so i went back to Times. I can just look through the glass for the book title but i seeing him there at the counter paying for some stuffs he bought, i decided to go in..and just want to see him from a short distance. You can say that i am one of his fans. Others would for artists but i don't. Maybe my interest for crime fictions and series, made me admires him. If I am crazy enough (not crazylogicpopstar aka rene), i would just go towards him and saying hi, letting him knows that i am one of his fans. But being me, i not the daring type. It really made my day and i was smiling all my way back to the office. It was a blessing in disguise..for the gallery being closed today.

New routine..new experience

"Telah jauh terpisah, diriku dan dirimu,
Dalam ruang dan waktu,
Sendiriku jalani sepiku, tanpa dirimu,
Resahku tanpa hadirmu,
Sungguh berat hatiku untuk merasakannya"


It really has been a while since update..not taking into account my previous entry. My life surely has been quite hectic. Next week will mark my second month with the new company. It has been a joyful ride. They are nice people..alhamdulillah. I am reporting to 4 people...but i don't mind. Perhaps like people say if you are happy with the environment, you will find ways to manage all that. One thing i notice, those people are very knowledgeable at what they are doing, very technically sound and things are at their fingertips. I am impress..still am. I hope i will get to learn from them. I meet-up with Cekya even more frequent now that we are nearer to each other...usually after office.

I have to admit it was quite tough at beginning. Not so much on the work but on the travelling. It took me 2 hours to reach the office and another 2 hours going back...and don't let me babble about the train. Sometimes i felt like crying because after a long day at work, taking a fully packed train..standing all the way from KLCC to Kelana Jaya, i still need to drive for about 30-40 mins to reach home. No more reaching home at 6.30pm. Now i am quite used to it already and furthermore next year we will be moving out to our own place in Bangsar..so for now, just bear with it.

Yesterday i got to know something that made me annoyed. Still remember the b**** that gave me the show cause letter? Well, someone asked her why i abruptly left the company and her answer was 'she is slacking'. If i am slacking, then why my former supervisors told a broker that he lost a very good assistant to a competitor. Even the broker admitted that and told about it to somebody else. Damn you b****!!!

lazy me

it has been a while since i last updated this blog. what are my excuses? i don't have any good excuses but lots of lame ones. Perhaps these is one of those moments..i am not in the mood of updating, apart from the laziness to construct sentences. lots to tell actually. about my new job, new routines..new boyfriend..kidding!!. Perhaps this saturday or sunday i will write about what are happening lately.

Hot! Hot! Pants On Fire

As most of Malaysian, the poll outcome took us by surprise and i am quite content about it. I am neither a supporter nor am i an opposer it but as a the 'rakyat' of this country, i want to see whether the new political platform will bring about the changes the rakyat has been longed for. What are the future will be for Malaysia? We will see. For the first time, the Barisan won with a simple majority with 5 states are now under the opposion/coliation party. I never took interest in the poll results before but this time around i stayed until 6am. All of us took interest in the result especially after Nurul Izzah won at Lembah Pantai and saw many opposition candidates won their seats, not forgetting those who lost including Samy Vellu. This is a very painful lesson for the ruling party who are rather arrogant and complacent with their positions and never thought that the rakyat will actually go for the opposition. They underestimate the people power, failed to address the frustrations of the rakyat let alone tackling all issues in a more comprehensive manner . Voters are more mature now. They want their voice to be heard. The sunday's poll outcomes have surely said it all. For the opposition party this is the time for them to walk the talk. Like the others, i am looking forward to see whether the check and balance that being created by the people will be materialised. If before it was easy for the ruling to gain 2/3 majority in most decisions, now they have to put a hard fight with the opposition party. Those were being elected now better have a right formula to serve their community or will be facing the same fate in the next election. We want to be listen, we will be watching and appraise you in next 4 years.

If I Enjoy It..Yes

i need a lunch partner. I guess i will be eating alone until the new girl report for duty..i am in lun's shoes now. Apart form this, it has been a bliss.

I have to wake up much more earlier than before so that i will have the parking space at the lrt station and take train to work. As usual, the train is jammed pack with all the commuters with ur butt against others and can smell the smell especially after work..let's call it after work cologne. One which i don't understand why didn't they provided more coaches during peak hours to alleviate the overcrowding trains. And sometimes during your lucky day you can hear the train personnel say.."masuk dalam, masuk dalam". How can we go in when we can't even freaking move. sigh!!

And on the way to the office, passing by the KLCC park, watching people jog and looking at the scenery, the craziness in the train seems to fade away as i take a deep breath enjoying all of it. It's like i am living the moment.

First Day On Board of...

Today is my first day with the new company and i am writing this from the new laptop..it's too early to say. From what i have gathereed, they have been waiting for me to come as there are lots of things need to be done. So far it has been good. Went for an appointment with the client just now. Tomorrow there will be a lunch appointment with another client. I already have 41 emails in my inbox with the first one dated 13/12/07..while i was still with the previous company. Training for the client next week, a visit from a broker ( a familiar face).

Looking for a new beginning..

Sempurna...di matamu

It's good to be back. I will tell about the trip in the next entry.

Andra & The Backbone - Sempurna

kau begitu sempurna
di mataku kau begitu indah
kau membuat diriku
akan selalu memujamu

di setiap langkahku
ku kan selalu memikirkan dirimu
tak bisa ku bayangkan
hidupku tanpa cintamu

* janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku
takkan mampu menghadapi semua
hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa

reff:
kau adalah darahku
kau adalah jantungku
kau adalah hidupku
lengkapi diriku
oh sayangku kau begitu
sempurna, sempurna

kau genggam tanganku
saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh
kau bisikkan kata
dan hapus semua sesalku

**thanks for the song, love it**

Happy Birthday Awan Putih

For a good friend and such a sweet person..

On Your Birthday
by: Unknown

May your spirit keep the freedom
of a butterfly in spring
and your heart be filled always
with the joys of simple things.
May your essence claim the freshness
of the new laid morning dew.
All of this...and more...
is my Birthday wish for you.

I Bid Farewell..

Salam and Hello everyone,

It's always hard to say goodbye. I shan’t say goodbye but I’ll say see you around instead.

Sadly, after over 6 glorious years in this company, today's my last day at LR. It is with mixed emotions that I send this email. As some of you know, I have accepted a position at another company. It was not an easy decision to make because I truly enjoy working with all of you here at LR. There are so many people to name, I just don't know where to start. Thanks so much to everyone who made it worthwhile: the time we shared, for making work fun and the word, "family" a reality, for sharing the knowledge, for support, insights and help I gained over these 6 years, and most important the bond of friendship, making my stay such a wonderful journey.

To Fac Dept, keep up the good work. As to II and MZ, you guys are the best and doubt will ever find bosses as great as both of you anywhere. Thanks for everything.

Please do keep in touch, I can be reached at my personal email address or mobile,

Thanks again for everything. I wish you plenty of smiles, blue skies and fluffy white clouds-now and always.

It's hard to believe it's time to go
Leave this way of life, spread our wings and grow
Say goodbye to those friends that we hold dear to our hearts
Shedding tears for we'll be so far apart
Remembering all the good times and even the bad
Including the fights we sometimes had
Through the tears and the pain
Friendship was our gain
We stuck together through sunshine and rain, laughs and shouts
We found out what true friends were all about
So as our senior year comes to an end
We'll carry in our hearts our special friends
And take with us all the memories that were made

**going to office still tomorrow**

Ramblings

Been busy with work. I plan to get the Fac Database be ready before i leave. i have done necessary and now waiting for my colleague in Bahrain to do add in what is required of the database to meet our requirement. I am hoping him to revert by Monday in order for me to brief all the other staff and kick it off. Now i am not sure if i can get it done before or on my last day of work. People says work will be less once you have tendered your resignation especially the last few weeks. I beg to differ...i am still doing the officework. My boss have even told me to check the bordereaux prepared by colleague this monday. With the database thingy on my mind i feel my work are unsettle. Going to have a divisional lunch tomorrow..basically a farewell lunch for me.

Emotionally, it sucks . Just i am feeling sad and had to confess i was feeling kind of lonely. You never hear me saying it before and it's the truth. Now..now i sound so pathetic. Had a good chat with my sis on the way back to Malacca. We never been close, let alone to share our stories. That night we shared our little stories. I am glad that she can think wisely now, mature and have all her senses. She said few things that made me wondered about something...sigh!!

Whatever it is..i am off to Bandung and Jakarta this Thursday.

Chequer'd with woven shadows as I lay

Another 15 days and i will saying adieus, ta-ta, bye to my friends and the office. There is nothing much to be done in the office. I have handed over my portfolio of to Mekna effective 1st Jan. and transfered some of the knowledge to her...what she needs to know and what needs to be done. It is impossible to learn what i have known for the past 3/4 years in a month. I guess she will learn more and grab the knowledge along the way like i did. I will be guiding her while i am here, no doubt about it. Still got work to do, a little bit here and there... kind of lazy and only see to it when i feel in the mood to do so..how bad of me. And knowing the fact i will be surfing the net most of the time whilst the other are occupied, make me feel quite guilty... It also instill laziness in me of going to work every morning. Some say that i shouldn't bother doing the works and enjoy the moments.

Last week my boss asked if i have packed my things. Told him that i have not..well, the matter of fact i did empty my workplace drawers. Lots of junk papers..what do you expect after more than 6 years been here, seating at the same workplace. I have packed my things in two A4 boxes and are still here. I need empty this workstation by next week. Bringing back all the books and notes. A few more boxes, desktops i bought form the office. This means more stuff in the storeroom (like i have one). I have also notified all the clients, local and overseas that i will be leaving the company. I thought of doing it 3 or 2 days before i leave but my dearest boss asked me to inform them last week. Can't help it but to think "boss aku ni tak sabar ke nak aku blah..hari tu tanya if dah pack my things and now suruh inform all the client". I guess i have to think that he is doing it in a good faith.

Cekya and me met up with Rudy (Kurekuresakti) and Zuril (Langit Malam). Though Rudy and i have been ym'ing each other occasionally since he was in Japan, we never actually meet up with each other until last Friday. Met him at Starbucks KL Sentral, had a chit chat and he need to go off early as he had another appointment in Shah Alam. Such an ambitious guy and i wish him all the best in his business.

At last i met the person behind Langit Malam, a sweet shy lady she is. Had our lunch at Pizza Hut. Sorry dear, we didn't know that you don't eat pizza, should have told us earlier. We will remember it the next time around. Catched "Tatkala Bulan Mengambang", a black and white movie..not to bad. Headed home after that...not quite yet. Feeling like having something soupy and hot, hoping that it will help to resolve my uncomfortable stomach due to late breakfast and lunch the day before as i was really hooked up with trimming the small lawn in front of my house. Cekya suggested Uncle's Lim Chicken Porridge with Soya Cincau. As a porridge lover, it sounded so nice. Even more tempting when she said the egg inside the porridge need to be stirred whilst the porridge is still hot. Ohh...this is so mouthwatering. That was what i had...plus with soy sauce and pepper. Soya cincau too!!

Alhamdulillah, Lin is safely back from performing hajj. Good to see her. Yes, without a doubt, i do miss her. She has been my good friend since for past 2 years. Got to know her the day i went for the MBA admission interview and later got to know that our office is only a few blocks away. Even more so now that our house is only 5 minutes from each other. I pray that she will also will succeed in finding herself a new job..in KLCC area i hope.

Got an appointment with the neurologist consultant at DSH tomorrow.

Glass Rainbow

Come over to my house to play
When the birds won't sing and the skies are gray
Give me your hands and lend me your soul
Then bead me a string of glass rainbows

How pretty are the little lights
Shining through the glass stained bright,

Like so many butterflies
Dashing, flashing through the sky

Lisa G. Leming

P.S. I Love You.

Just finished reading the book. It really made me cry..from the first few pages up until the end. Am i overly sensitive? The movie has been released in December 2007 but yet to be here. Waiting eagerly.

One of my many fav excerpt of the book...

"Holly sighed. 'Every time someone asked me that question, Sharon, I say, 'I am fine, thank you,' but to be honest i am not. Do people really want to know how you feel when they ask, How are you?'? Or are they just trying to be polite? Holly smiled. The next time the woman across my house says to me, 'How are you?" I'm going to say to her; well, actually i'm not very well at all, thank you. I'm feeling a bit depressed and lonely. Pissed off at the world. Envious of you and at your little perfect family but not particularly envious of your husband at having to live with you. And then, i'll tell her about how i started a new job and met lots of new people and how i am trying hard to pick myself up but i'm now at a loss about what else to do. Then i'll tell her how it pisses me off when everyone says that time is a healer when at the same time they also say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, which really confuses me, because that means the longer he is gone the more i want him. I'll tell her that nothing is healing at all and that every morning i wake up in my empty bed it feels like salt is being rubbed into those unhealing wounds.' Holly took a deep breath. "And then i'll tell her about how much i missed my husband and about how worthless my life seems without him. How uninterested i am getting in getting on with things without him and i'll explain that how i feel like i am just waiting for my world to end so that i can join him. She'll probably say, "Oh that's good, like she always does, kiss her husband goodbye, hop into her car and drop her kids to school, go to work, make the dinner and got to bed with her husband and she will done it all while I'm still trying to decide what colour shirt to wear to work. What do you think?' Holly finally finished and turned to Sharon.'

Cecelia Ahern


People can be very fake sometimes, just a matter of asking and answering while some other just don't really understand or not trying to understand. What do you think?

Life is a walk across a field

It is only few hours before the clock strikes 12am, marking a new year. A new beginning for some people. What has 2007 brought you? For me 2007 has surely spices up my life in so many ways.

I tendered my resignation letter in November..one thing i thought i never do even in my 6 years of working with the company. I know i had future with the company but i guess it is a decision i had to make for a better career advancement. I have grudges..but i guess most of you know about it. Someone said don't burn your bridges...intend not to do so, with some people that is.
I completed my MBA this year..it's my personal achievement. Something that i am proud of. Eventhough my earlier target was to do it after 3 year of working..but it's better late than never. Relationship..ermm, i am still single. Yes..i do hope that i will end my single life in 2007 but i guess one can only dream..i got few more hours to dream.
I make lots of new friends this year..friends of friends. And i still think that i need a new circle of friends without neglecting the existing friends.
Exquis Images...exquisite images. Yes, that is the name that we agreed to be in our name cards. We have been quite busy lately with photoshots and Cekya have put in trust for me to handle all the admin tasks..hope that i won't let her down.

2007 has been a great journey...a walk through life that will turn into memorable moments.

What are my hopes and resolution for 2008? I will tell you later in my next entry. Till then..

Goodbye 2007 and Welcome 2008. Happy New Year To All.

Bookmark
by Dave Kartzman
Let me be a bookmark in your life;
Crafted with our love
And the coloured inks
of our words;
A weathered parchment
of my soul
Upon your memory.

As you walk through life,
Other chapters will be scripted.
Someday,
you will reflect,
Tabbing back to the bookmark we built,
Remembering . . .

So your baby is here! What joy and what pleasure!

As promised, this my niece..little Ivana Marcella. New addition to the clan. Such a sweetie pie. To Yan and Aezril...

A Baby Changes Things

A baby changes things;
They’ll never be the same;
Your life is filled with wonder,
Since your little miracle came.

There’s lots of things to do now,
But with the new tasks you face,
Your family gains more love,
And bonds time will never erase.

Congratulations on your new addition!

By Karl and Joanna Fuchs

'Tis So Much Joy! 'Tis So Much Joy!

2008 resolutions? I think i need to have that. Few weeks back i found one of my notebook. I was flipping through pages and a page caught the attention of my eyes. Can't help but to smile. Somewhere in 2002, I put down a few things i want to achieve and totally forget all about it. These were the targets :-
a. Complete my ACII
b. Pursue MBA
c. Become an Assistant Manager
d. Have underwriting knowlegde
e. Leadership skills
g. Get married

Yes!! I have achieved most of what being listed down except for the last. It feels so nice, so content. A triumph. A good deed to myself. Perhaps this year i should map out what are my future targets...the last one without exception. winks. winks

How about you guys? Anything in mind?

Climb Till Your Dream Comes True - Helen Steiner Rice,

often your task will be many,
and more than you think you can do..
often the hills insurmountable, too..
but always remember..
the hills ahead are never as steep as they seem,
and with faith in your heart, start upward
and climb 'til you reach your dream.
for nothing in life that is worthy
is ever too hard to achieve
if you have the faith to believe..
for faith is a force that is greater
than knowledge or power or skill
and many defeats turn to triumph
if you trust in god's wisdom and will..
there is nothing that god cannot do,
so start out today with faith in your heart
and climb 'til your dream comes true.

If there were dreams to sell, What would you buy?

Of late life been pretty busy...keep me occupied. I like being around with people i love..sharing witty stories that tickle your heart and made you burst with laughters. Because once at home by myself, the loneliness haunts and mind boggling questions will definitely come across my mind. What will become of me? What future will brings me? Yeah..yeah i know. I am the one who are going to set the course to where is it going and how. The thing is, i am still in quest of what i really want...but i can't be twiddling my thumbs forever, can i?.

One for sure, i don't want to stay single all my life. Then again, i don't want the degree of freedom i enjoy now is being ripped off me. I want everything. I am selfish.

My thoughts soar not as they ought to soar,
Higher and higher on soul-lent wings;
But ever and often and more and more
They are dragged down earthward by little things,
By little troubles and little needs,
As a lark might be tangled among the weeds.

My purpose is not what it ought to be,
Steady and fixed, like a star on high,
But more like a fisherman's light at sea;
Hither and thither it seems to fly--
Sometimes feeble, and sometimes bright,
Then suddenly lost in the gloom of night.

My life is far from my dream of life--
Calmly contented, serenely glad;
But, vexed and worried by daily strife,
It is always troubled and ofttimes sad--
And the heights I had thought I should reach one day
Grow dimmer and dimmer, and farther away.

My heart never finds the longed-for rest;
Its worldly striving, its greed for gold,
Chilled and frightened the calm-eyed guest
Who sometimes sought me in days of old;
And ever fleeing away from me
Is the higher self that I long to be.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

what are the blessings of the sight

I would be lying if i say i did not put any hope or even daydreamed it might have work out well. Almost like a fairytale and too good to be true. At the end of the day, I believe Allah knows what is the best for me. I have not regrets but thankful indeed. Alhamdulillah, the act to entice me with all the lovey dovey thingy did not blind my judgment and be firm of what or how i want it to be. Juicy stories can be fabricated..just don't discount that.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

Cekya-thanks a zillion..for all the insights
Awan-off course, i won't forget you.

Once the package of friendship has been opened..

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand,
nor the kindly smile,
nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one
when you discover that someone else believes in you
and is willing to trust you with a friendship.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

and why bother the rest?

what life has thrown me I have caught..

i have learned that
your life can change
in a matter of minutes
by people who don't even know you

I should not dare to leave my friend..

I am changing my blog layout since the previous layout went haywire..kinda lazy to really dig which part of the script that are missing. I shall miss the red apples. I am liking this new look..kinda clean. Ramai yg being away from blogging arena kecuali Lun and Jimi yang sentiasa ada updates. Thot of blogging about it tapi Lun dah blog dulu..hehehe

Lot of things had happened. I got a new niece..Yan's daughter. Ivana Marcella..that is her name. We called her Marcella. Later i'll post her picture..kena minta from Cekya. Talking about Cekya, lately, both of us memang banyak spent time together..mostly related to Exquis Images. Tapi bila dah jumpa tu biasalah..gossip, gossip and gossip.

Last week Aan's mom was admitted in the ICU due to a burst blood vein and had to undergo an operation. Alhamdulillah, the operation went smoothly. Please pray for her speedy recovery. To Aan, semoga tabah menghadapi dugaan Allah.

Workwise. Counting the days to february 2nd. My last day with the company. Kerja pun dah tak banyak..bosanlah juga. Now clearing up apa-apa yang patut. Masih lagi not sure as who will be taking over my portfolio..still looking for the right candidate. Better find soon as i need to do handover thingy before i leave.

Thanks Ligo for the lovely ring and to Jimi for the cd.

A Special Wish

Thoughts Of Love On Your Birthday

Birthdays are occasion
for compliments and praise
And saying many of the things
we don't say other days -
For thoughts of love and gratitude
are fragile, cherished things,
As gossamer as fleecy clouds
or hummingbirds' small wings,
And often through the passing days
we feel deep down inside
Unspoken thoughts of thankfulness
and fond, admiring pride -
But words can say so little
when the heart is overflowing
And often those we love the most
must have no way of knowing
the many things the heart conceals
and never can impart,
For words seem so inadequate
to express what's in the heart -
But since it is your birthday
I thought it would be nice
If I let this first edition verse
by Helen Steiner Rice
In some small way express the things
that I would like to say
Not only on your birthday
but on every other day.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY CEKYA....

Hugs & kisses
::wtl::

New Direction

there are so much to tell but i am somewhat lazy these days to blog about it. been a lazy bum i just posted song lyrics in my past 2 entries.

My brother, Anuar got engaged on 3rd raya. I got to know about it when on last day of Ramadhan. It was a very simple engagement ceremony since his fiancee's dad just past away 2nd week of Ramadhan in his sleep. Alfatihah.

Remember the SCL thingy..i submitted the letter on Thursdays, first week after raya. The day before i got a call from someone asking me if am i still interested to join them but for a lower post. Was quite surprised because earlier she said there will an opening only in January. I guess this is my rezeki. Without hesitation i said yes. Went for the interview on the arranged date and the next day she called me up and said i got the job. Alhamdulillah. I was so happy and smiling the whole day through. One morning my immediate superior called and asked me if i heard of anyone leaving the company. OMG..did she actually know? I mentioned one of my colleague's name and avoiding to let her know as i have not get my letter of offer. She later called Maddy seeking for confirmation. Only our bosses did not know that i was leaving but he did smsed from Bali wanting to know who else will be leaving and they did not tell him. Surprise..surprise.

The D-day finally arrived. the convocation went well. with smiles all over our faces. we didn't thought that we made it. many of us planned to quit, myself without exclusion. to my surprise one even went to the office to sent the form with the intention to quit but unfortunately the office was closed. he have no other choice but to continue with the second semester. had he managed to sent the form, we wouldn't see having a big smile on the convocation day. When we first started there we about 37 of us in the class but only 14 managed to complete on time and graduated. To all my beloved classmates..WE MADE IT THROUGH GUYS. CONGRATULATIONS!!!

I tendered a 3 months notice of resignation effective today after signing the offer letter yesterday. Am i happy? I definitely am but at the same time feeling kind of sad knowing that i will be leaving friends that i have known for the past 7 years..friends that i become close with. i shall miss them but i guess i need to think of my future nevertheless.

untuk dia

untuk si dia yang aku kenal
cinta dan sayang aku padanya tidak akan
pernah padam...buatlah aku tersenyum
dengan bahagiakan dirimu
pejamkan mata aku pasti di sisi

kogi - 9 september

kerana dia bukan kamu

Pejamkan Matamu - OST 9 September

kupejamkan mata
kau hadir di sisi
ku hulurkan tangan kau sambut dengan kasih
tenangkanlah hatimu
agar bisaku senyum

Pejamkanlah matamu jika rindukan wajahku
ku pejamkan mata..kau hadir disisi
bisik mesra darimu menyemai kasihku..
bahagiakan dirimu..agar bisaku senyum...

pejamkanlah matamu
kupasti di sisi
untuk dikau kasih ku curahkan cinta suci
yang tak mungkin terpadam
akan terus membara

bahagiakan dirimu
agar bisaku tersenyum
pejamkanlah matamu
jika rindukan wajahku
janji ku kepadamu aku pasti di sisi

**
Sukar utk digambarkan perasaan aku di penghujung filem 9 September..mungkin tidak menjangka sebegitu 'ending'nya. Yang pasti ia mengundang rasa sebak yang teramat sangat dan wtl tidak mampu langsung menahan airmata menderu jatuh. Until i had to calm myself down. Pasti orang yg melepasi kami perasan mata and hidung wtl yang merah kerana menangis. Tiada lagi rasa malu..aku berhak atas apa yang aku rasa. Thanks Cekya for the understanding. terlalu sukar menafikan apa yang wtl rasa..terlalu sukar

"because he is not you"