let them..

Remarks being passed. I am the wrongdoer in their eyes..people has the rights to their own thoughts. It's better not to say anything, when saying will worsen the situation.

In some part of our life, we will go through a life changing and eye-opening experience. Some that we learnt from and some we didn't. i tend to take something away from this..which i did not before.

Quiet Emotion

I know lots of questions arise at the back of their heads but some things are just better be left unsaid to avoid all possible judgements. It will end up hurting others and myself. Past experience taught me so.


The bond will always be there
the friendship always intact;
But the time for us has come and gone
and the pages of time, you can't turn back.

I will always be a friend to you
and wonder how you are;
The smiles and laughter I will remember
and our fights have become painless scars.

Sometimes on those busy days
when you've a thousand things to do;
Please let me glide slowly through your mind
and spend some time with you.

In that quiet moment
when you're surprised to find me there;
Just remember even with the distance between us
I am still someone who cares.

Quiet Emotions

by Judy Burnette

Infatuate...

it has been a long long time since i feel this way...having a crush over someone. somewhat ridiculous at this age. He do not fit in my selection criteria, even more so he is younger than me but definitely something about him catches my attention.

i should vanquish all these and watch out for the torns...this is only wishful thinking

there..i say it!

Doing it all again....

i got know that the landlord is selling the house on the 2nd week i moved in when the malay couple came to visit. I was told back then the new owner intended to treat it as an investment. It gave me a big relief as my contract expires in November. Today after 4 months, i was told the opposite and what me even furious knowing that they want to move out immediately. The landlord agreed to pay them 2 months rental out of her pocket, giving me the 2 months notice to look up for a new place.

it kinda hit me hard thinking about all the things that i need to do..the packing and unpacking, relocating Astro, the phone and internet line to the new place, not to mention finding a place and transportation...doing it all by myself. I still feel the tiredness from the last moving. That was when i cried and thought how i wish i have someone in my life i can depend on.

maybe i am tired of being alone after all....

Atok...you are in my heart always

i was eagerly waiting for the weekend as my sister and her family planned to stay over at my place but after midnight i received a call that Atok was in a critical condition. Quickly packed my things and rushed back to Malacca. On the way, i decided to call Achik to check on Atuk's condition but to know that he has left us all. It is not something unexpected considering his old age and health condition but maybe i don't expect it would be so soon.

When i was small i love to watch Atok prepared his roti canai dough and he will sometimes give us a lil bit of the dough for us to play with. I still remember his 'kuah dalca'..it is so yummy and it has been my benchmark for 'kuah dalca' for all roti canai. Still clear in my mind helping Atok at his small restaurant by the beach.

He cooked for weddings including for few of cousins' big day. I love helping him with the preparation and cooking...a good way to develop my passion for cooking. More often than not, helping him has become a great pleasure until one of his helper said that i should get Atok to inherit me his recipes. I guess he has passed down all his recipes to my aunts and eventually down to us, his grandchildren.

His 'basikal tua' brings lots of memories to me...to my siblings and my cousins. It was his main transportation to go about and around. He cycled his 'basikal tua' to his small restaurant, mosque and sometimes visiting his childrens whether at home or stalls. We, the grandchildren love to play around with the bicycle. With that his 'basikal tua' i learned to cycle and my newly bought pyjama was torn because of that.

These few days i heard good things about Atok...poeple acknowledged his contributions to the mosque. One said Atok brought some changes while he was the imam. i also heard my uncle telling my aunt, an ustaz told his jamaah at the surau ( after knowing that Atok has passed away) how Atok still remember surah2 Sajadah at his age of 96. Despite his weak conditions, Atok still performed his prayers. Even an hour or so before he passed on, he told Achik he wanted to perform his prayer..but due the chaotic moment it he did not got the chance to perform his prayer.

My cousins and me sometimes teased him from far by saying "kesian org cina tua tu naik basikal"..this was because Atok's mom (our great grandmother) was from Hong Kong. Even Atok was born there...in Wan Chai. He told me, our great grandfather was HQ was in Wan Chai and he was based there. i guess he met my great grandmother over there.

Atok was shipcaptain before he got himself involved in business but he left his job during the war. Alhamdulillah he quit, the ship then was bombed by the Japanese.

This is not to brag about Atok, just express my admiration towards him and to share my story about him. He is my idol and he will be missed so dearly..

tranquility

my life is somewhat meaningful nowadays...there are things to look forward to rather than feeling blue. I have learn to push the negativity away and think of good things. i have great friends to thank to. Perhaps the new workplace have actually lessen my worries and burden, one thing that i am glad for. Maybe, just maybe it grows with the age. 2012 has been great so far.

Not forgetting my nephews and niece that have colour my life with their existence. I just wish that my parents have the chance to meet Ashraff and Aina..which is unlikely at the moment.

I know few of my friends are struggling in their life journey...my prayers are always with them. Insya'allah things are going to be better, don't give up. i heard this in Radio Ikim..

"yang baik tak semestinya baik dan yg tidak baik tidak semestinya tidak baik. Allah Maha Mengetahui"

Yeay!! Let's Blog and Rock

I am glad that Cekya decided to start blogging again…am hoping that others will also follow suit.
Let’s continue with the old routine..visiting each other blog. Masyi and Lun..waiting for you guys to update. I know Cekmi, Jimi and Awan still update their blogs. Awan, please open the blog to all..miss reading it.

Welcoming myself to the blogging area...again

it has been really really long since i last stepped here. today, whilst driving to work, i told myself perhaps i should blog again. I know most of us have stop blogging with the existence of facebook, twitter and other social medias as status can be updated whenever and wherever.

let's blog again...i met a lots of good people through blogging and they are part of my life now.

Another Year...

Looking at old photos, reminiscing the past, remembering how i walked through my life, i must say i am feeling blessed and grateful for all the things i have.

Today, i am a year older and i hope to continue the journey gracefully. Insya'allah.

Coming Home

i am back to where i belong
but yet,

i still feel alone.

Deeply hurt

Right now I am still hurts by some of the things said by them. I wish that one day they will understand how hard it is for me.

I feel so alone, lost and the hurt is deep.

Sorry for everything.

Letting Go

These few weeks has been quite tough for me. I wanted so very much for thing to be like it used to be but everything seems to fall apart and i can't do much about. It is so frustrating and leads me to feel so helpless. One person i am counting also have give up hope, what is there for me to look forward to. There and then i decided to let go eventhough i know letting go is the hardest thing to. I have been clinging to the idea that one day he and me might be together. I have been comparing everyone i am with to him...not a good thing to do but just can't help it. Now after so so many years, nothing seems to change. Worst, we are so drifted away from each other. It has come to a point that i feel i should not dream for the impossible. Maybe it is not meant to be after all. I never thought that a day would come for me to say goodbye to all of it. Kind of sad but there is not point of holding on to something is not there. Going to be hard to kill the feelings and emotions that have built inside me for years.

There still a lot that i want to let out of my system and say to him but i better just stop here. I pray to Allah to give the strength to get through this.

This too shall pass.

Ingin dia tahu

tetiba aku jadi sangat rindu pada dia..and i can't tell him i that
i want him to know that he is still in my mind after all these years.
he will not like it..he would want me to move on.
i did but it did not went that well..in times i missed him so.

Dream and Reality

some of our dreams will never turn into a reality, no matter how hard we tried. it's kinda tough but we got to learn to live with it or forever live in denial.

time to grow up
accept the reality
and move on

fullstop.

Taiping : a simple but very memorable journey

once in a blue, comes along someone you can get along really well and have the same wavelength Alhamdulillah, i had great pleasure of experiencing the most memorable holiday in my life so far with 3 wonderful person.

Amar, he is someone dear to my heart whom i have befriend with him for more than 10 years. Syukur, it stay strong until now. Cekya, she is like a sister to me whom i share my ups n down with...i know i can count on her. Addy, is a new addition and the youngest among us. Still lots to know about him but so far, i have no complaints.

At first, I was reluctant to bring Amar over to the picnic at Putrajaya...i was scared if he couldn't get along with Addy and Kadok. Then putting aside the negative thoughts, i let him do so. Frankly, i am very glad i did that. He aced.

i can't remember who suggested Taiping trip but i do know these :-
a. i had a very good time and keep playing in my mind over and over again.
b. we can say just practically anything about each other and then laugh about it out loud.
c. we treated every place we visited as if we are at our own living room
d. we are photo-fetish..that explains the thousand over photos that we took.
e. Amar and addy are like old married couple. They fight like nobody business but they still care about each other. Cekya and myself are the mediator. :)
f. wish kadok and as were there too
g. i can do this again and again...

My personal note:-
Amar - i personally don't say this a lot...love you. it feels like old times. thanks for being our supir.
Cekya - there's a lot of things i don't share with others, let alone my sister but with you, i want to tell everything...be the 1st one to know.
Addy - welcome abroad. please be patient with us..we can go crazy in times.

Taiping brings lots of memories, fonder hearts and the experience beyond words. I love them all for making the journey a memorable one..

Uneasy Feelings.

The visit the doctor's office this morning leave me with an uneasy feelings until now. The urine test showed a 56L/mg reading on urine albumin. Then normal reading should be below 21 L/mg. It means some problem with the kidney. Even though according to the doctor the leakage is only 2%, it still worries me. Instantly, i pictured my mom and what she been through all these years and it scared me to the bones. Tried very hard to contain my tears in front of the doctor. Perhaps what i am feeling is only 1% of those who been told that they have terminal illness and have few months to live. Nevertheless, it was enough to make me shivered and it has somehow affected my mood.

He then prescribed with hypertension pills to prevent more leakage. According to the doctor, the hypertension pills have dual function and one of it is to prevent the leakage from becoming worse. But first, I have to do blood profile in order determine the dosage for me which i will only start after my traveling.

This is a wake up call for me to change my lifestyle. I need to start exercising, control my glucose level, do more reading, see a dietitian etc.. I hope i have a very strong willpower to do all this.

Thanks my dear friends for all your support and advices. Please pray for me.

here i belong...

After using wordpress for few months..i think, i prefer using blogspot. It is much more easy.

I haven't blog for quite sometime. Did i miss it? Frankly, i did not...but i miss my blogsahabat. Not only that i did not update my blog, i also did not update myself with my blogsahabat latest news.

I met Richa in person, at last. Pretty lil girl. Went to Kadok's place with Cekya and Addy (whom i also met for the first time). Enough said, we had a good day and planning for a picnic after this.

Till next time, take care.

An addition to the family..another one

My sis just got engaged last saturday. Alhamdulillah, all went well. The wedding insya’allah somewhere in december. Going to b a very simple wedding.

One of my cousins also plan to be engaged this coming november.

Perginya Tak Kembali

Aku tak pernah lupa untuk mengikuti perkembangannya..sedari ia lahir ke dunia sehinggalah sekecil ini meninggalkan kita semua.

Amir Yusuf, nama yang begitu indah untuk anak yang istimewa ini. Ketabahan dan semangat juangnya sangat tinggi hinggakan aku jadi amat kagum dan terharu. Tiap kali melawati blog ayahanda Amir, aku pasti berdebar kerana tak tahu what to expect. Ada suka, ada duka. Aku mengharapkan yang terbaik untuknya.

Hari ini, setelah beberapa hari tidak melayari internet, aku terus ke blog Fajar untuk mengetahui perkembangan anakanda Amir. Begitu teringat kepada anakanda Amir Yusuf. Kunjungan kali ini begitu berbeza…diselimuti rasa sedih yang amat. Allah lebih mengetahui dan menyayangi Amir Yusuf.

Alfatihah buat anakanda Amir Yusuf yg telah pulang kepadaNya pada 6 Mac 2009.

Buat Fajar, Anis dan Najla – tabahkan hatimu menghadapi segala ujianNya. Allah mengetahui apa yang terbaik.

Salam Aidilfitri

Selamat Hari Raya buat semua

Maaf atas segala salah and silap.