sukar

kadangkala apa yang ku rasa sukar untuk diuraikan dengan kata-kata. Sebaiknya biar aku sahaja yang tahu. sukar untuk dimengertikan. kosong

hate it when this happens...

i hate it when people jugde you by your looks and not your personality or innerself. especially guys. i love being friends with others, meeting new people but when they treated me that way, it just urggghhhh (am out of words). The first time it happened, it made me feel sad and feeling inferior about myself and i hate that kind of feeling. It still does make me feel sad but the degree of sadness is not as great as before. it happened often enough until i am quite skeptical to meet to new people.

the other thing i despise, is when people compared me with my sister or cousins. so what if they are good looking, keep it to yourself. don't have to tell me that. i don't need to be reminded of that. had enough of it my entire life.

i have to console myself by reminding the good values that i have in me. i don't have the look but i do have the brain. i am still trying to prove that to someone. to forgive is easy but to forget..ermm.

don't you just hate it. what is good look with a bad attitude?

brain freeze

today belajar 10 chapter in one go...next week ada exam that covers 18 chapter. It's a one hour exam and after that ada presentation for 3 hours. The next day start new subject.

laziness hits

got lots to update but kinda lazy to do so. life being so hectic with work and study. this is a short semester..apart from the usual class, kena juga siapkan ABP..ala thesis gitu. thot that we kena hantar in june, so ada around 2 mths after the final exam utk finish up but it turns up we need to send the final draft by 31st March and viva on the 29th April. Our final exam tentatively will be on the 15th April. I am far from completing it...95% more to go. Still lots to be done. Interviews, questionnaires, data collections...arghhhhhhhhh. start to feel the tense. don't let me be panic. breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...

great perseverance

I bid 2006 farewell and welcome 2007 with open arms. I had a great year eventhough there were hiccups along the way. Am much more closer to my blogsahabats...precious and memorable moments with them will always be treasured. Look forward for more. I am now part of Redmedia Team. I have big dreams for Redmedia which i hope will come true one day, insya'allah. We don't need money to dreams, just an imagination.

I thought i would fail QMT, it turned out i got an A- but on the contrary, the paper that i thought i would at least get a B+, i only got B. And i got A for my MIS. Still, i am thankful, Alhamdulillah. This is my final semester...insya'allah by June, i will complete my Master's degree. Can't hardly wait for that day to come. Eagerly waiting. Inside me, i could feel a little sadness..i will for sure going to miss all my coursemates especially my classmates. We been together since 2005, helping each other through difficulties, boosted up each other spirits. We had our fair share of arguments as well..we are human after all, aren't we? I guess all this made us more closer and hearts grow fonder. To my classmate, we shall conquer our final semester and strive to achieve the best.

My right eyes have been blinking on saturday and i wonder who would i possibly meet..someone who i haven't seen for ages. True enough, while queueing up for registration, someone came to me and said "remember me". I looked at her and cracking my head trying to figure out who is this person and has our path crossed. She must be thinking "this girl don't remember me at all, i should say my name" and said "Puan Hendon". OMG...she looked different. Perhaps when i last saw her, she was not wearing a scarf. She was my lecturer during my degree days. She and Puan Rashidah (Dr. now) thought insurance papers. As there were only 2 insurance lecturers..my 3rd and 4th year classes are either with Puan Hendon or Dr. Rashidah. And the fact that only 7 of us in the class, make it easier for her to remember us. She is one of my favourite lecturer..such a gentle person, very soft spoken and it is because of her, i decided to pursue my career in this line and attained my ACII. I am loving my line of work..have no regret. It was great to see her again and i pray that she will succeed with flying colours in he PhD. Hope to see her again..this time for a drink. That would be just lovely.


Once he (she) has noticed the sadness
It never goes away
Makes her cry even more
Because of what her eyes say...

Sad Eyes...

Reminiscing the past. I walked down the memory lane..at my grandfather's kampung, where i used to spend my childhood days. Some things have changed and some remain the same. My feelings at that moment..overwhelmed. Never had i imagined that i would walked down that lane again. Fond memories. My aunties and uncles told us their stories..their good old days, during they were kids. How they used to travel to Singapore visiting relatives. They did mentioned a few of the places..just slipped off my mind. At that moment, i thought of my Singaporean blogsahabats...sorry guys, just seems to recall the names.

In the middle of the conversation, i glanced at my mom. She was drifted away in her own circle of thoughts..only God knows what it is. I saw the sadness in her eyes..watery eyes. Hurts me so much looking at her like that and it still does whenever i recalled that moment in time. I saw her being in that state twice that day. She is such a strong woman, she was diagnosed with diabetes when i was in form four or five. Really took care of the things she ate and she is still very particular about it now. No sweet things, bicarbonated soda, sugar cane or durians. I guess when i was in my early years of working, her kidneys failed and have to undergo hemodialysis 3 days a week until now. It has been 6 or 7 years now. She still moves on with courage and strong willpower..i admire that. Her arms now swelling here and there because of the needles. I am not sure how long she will be around with us (kinda make me sad now as i am typing this). Can't escape from feeling sad. I want her at my wedding. I want my kids to know her. I want her to have the best things in life. I am not sure if i have done enough for her.

Mom, i know i never really said that i love you..deep inside my heart i trully do. I love you, Mak.

dia yang dulu

kenapa?

hati sayu..

any particular reason?

ermm..ntahlah. tiba-tiba rasa macam tu.

pelik juga..org rasa sayu mesti bersebab..

kenapa perlu berubah?

siapa?

dia, dia, dia dan semua

pantai pun berubah..kenalah terima that people changed

dia ini buat i rasa that i don't matter anymore, dia itu buat me rasa down and imperfect.
aku mahu yang dulu.

u know it is impossible..

why can't just hate them...

u know why, u are not that type of person.

sigh!!