Saturday, April 30, 2005


The first time i saw him, my heart melted. What i had felt that instance was beyond words. Saw him again this morning. He smiled at me and i smiled back. He is not good looking, far away from being rich. He can't walk  perfectly, can't even stand straight. He is physically deformed. His job might not be noble to most of us but it is to me. He is only a general worker at the parking area. Though he is limping, he still manages to do his job well. He doesn't beg for money, he earns his living. I admire him for that. He makes me realizes that i should be grateful being me, even if i don't the look of a model and all. No one should treat others differently as we are also imperfect.

My trip to Lumut has brought back the memories. Looking at the ladang kelapa sawit and the hill added a smile to my face. Why the smile? I spent 8 sleepless nite at the Naval Base with a bunch of people whom i never meet before and we became friends. How i miss them fellow TRYLANs. Wtl ingat lagi the 1st day we arrived, everybody kena buat push-up for being late. Not to mention the swamp and river that we crossed. We underwent the military trainings, jungle tracked the hill yang ada wild boar tracks, pacat with our 'robots' ( Navy PASKAL ). Spent a night at ladang kelapa sawit, cooked the food ration that we carried all the way across the river and hill. Just when you thought that you can sleep all nite long,  they woke you up at 12.30am for ' a tour' by yourself. Before 'the tour' kena jumpa 'tok batin'...he gave us minum air tongkat ali. The taste...yucks, so damn bitter ( later i know it was to prevent mosquito bites ). Had to memorize this sentences  " Cik Siti telah mati membunuh diri di Lembah Hantu. Sila kirimkan keranda dan kain kapan" sampai hujung perjalanan. The journey was smooth either..kena pegang your life-line supaya tak jatuh and kena kacau with 'hantu-hantu'.
Reminiscing the whole experience, i really glad that i am there. I do things that i never thought of doing. The impossible became possible. It seems hard at that point of time but its worthwhile doing. I met new friends and gained something new.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005


I got the promotion letter. I am happy but not happy at the same time. Why? I am happy for getting the promotion after waiting for like 3 years ( someone did not keep his promise!!! ). Looking at the promotional increment really made me feel unappreciated. Might as well don't give me the promotion..just a salary raise. Want to know how much is the promotional increment? RM 62. Whadda heck is that!!!!! What me upset me most is the fact that those who got their promotion last year got an increment at the average of RM 400. During meeting with my boss, he told me that he proposed an increment of RM 500 for me..where is the balance of RM 438?

Thot of writing about the things i did during the 4 days break...later guys. This has ruined my mood for the day.

Lun - Yes, I went out with him but my mind was thinking about B.
Danny -  Welcome back. Getting busy n busier?
Cekya - when can read the continuation of the story. Missing Nalya. :) 

Will be going off to Lumut tomorrow. Visit to TNB Janamanjung. See all of you on Thursday.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Ring Me..

On one of my previous entry, i did mentioned that i am waiting for someone to call me. He did call a few times but baru hari ni i managed to talk to him. He said sorry for not calling..he's busy with his work. Apologies accepted. Quite happy to hear from him and glad to know his application for Masters programme has been accepted. Class will start in August.

Before I Fall In Love – Coco Lee

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
'Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true, could you really be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love

I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I want to take a chance
Please give me a reason to believe
Say, you're the one
That you'll always be

(repeat chorus)

It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say

(repeat chorus)

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

The Long Wait

Planned nak adakan BBQ last Saturday..tak jadi nak buat. Postpone to this Saturday or Sunday. Still celebrate juga but kecil-kecilan only...Secret Recipe's chocolate banana cake (teringat cekya masa tu..i know it's her favourite) on that nite.

Before that pergi Secret Recipe's dengan Adik. I had Chocolate Indulgence and Adik ordered Chocolate Moist Cake. There goes my diet..hihihihi. The Chocolate Moist Cake tu memang very moist and byk chocolate. Me, not a chocolate lover found it very sweet. If makan chocolate pun i prefer bittersweet.

I waited for 'that someone' to wish me but he forgot. It made me kinda sad. Don't want to talk about it.

You walk along by yourself
There´s no sound, nothing is changing
Been gone away, left you there
Emptiness is nothing you can´t share
All those words that hurt you
More than you would let it show
Comes apart, by yourself
All is well and everything is wasted

                                                      Sugar Ray  - Falls Apart

Lets talk about happy thing...

Tadi ada briefing by the CEO on the company's performance. He also announced those getting promotion. Syukur Alhamdulillah, i am one of them. Been waiting for it for 3 years. Kalau tak ada promotion ni dah berkira-kira dah cari kerja elsewhere.

This is one of the best birthday gift i got so far. ur entry. Thanks a lot dearie.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Happy Birthday To Me


Birthday Recipe
by Bob Slater

To make your Birthday brighter,
Throw in a touch of love,
Next, add to it thoughtfulness,
The dreams, you're dreaming of.

Some patience and understanding,
Good times, and laughter too,
Mix in your pride and caring,
And sharing things you do.

If you blend these all together,
And daily give a good stir,
Then your birthday brings
Many blessings to you,
And Peace the following Year.

Happy Birthday


I am a year older today. My life journey has it ups and has been wonderful, nevertheless.  I learned about family values, friendship, love, heartaches and lots more. Many people have crossed my path and touched my life these past 33 years..old and new. Some still remains as friend and some move on with their life. I thank my family and friends for the love and joy they bring in my life. Most important. i am thankful to Allah for segala rahmatNya. KeranaNya jua i am still breathing. 

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Before Clock Strike 12

Tomorrow i am a year older. Haven't buat proper plan for tomorrow. Ingat nak buat BBQ at my uncle's place. Kalau buat nanti, wtl will write about it.

Oat ajak gi tengok live band at Planet Hollywood. Told her i can go sebab my ex-housemate, Adik will be coming over to the house and spend the weekend and lagi pun i am bit broke la ni. Oat said she will belanja wtl and ask me to bring adik along. Tadi i got no plan at looks like i am going to have a pre birthday celebration. Not to bad huh?

Title ni pinjam lun punya ayat..jangan marah. :) Thanks for the advance birthday wish Lun...

Friday, April 15, 2005

Not Guilty!!!

Calar lagi...geramnya. That was what i felt semalam. Tak pasal-pasal sebelah kiri kereta near to the tyre kena langgar dgn lorry. Macamana boleh jadi? I tell you macamana. Lepas keluar simpang, i nak masuk the middle lane sebab nak fetch Ham. Dah bagi signal ke kanan..and as usual most of the typical Malaysian driver mana nak bagi jalan. So i pun masuklah middle lane when i got the chance then BAM!!! the lorry behind me entah pandang mana suddenly hit my car. Apa lagi semalam jadi centre of attention...the road users yg passed by that road semua pandang. Ada seorang brother siap berhenti tanya okay ke tak...thanks bro. My colleague pun sempat berhenti kereta bertanya keadaan. Back to the story..luckily my car tak dented. cuma calar sikit and that lorry punya cat melekat to the car body. The lorry driver keluar dgn tersenggih-senggih tanya wtl macamana boleh jadi macam ni. He kata i yang salah. At first i thot i salah, so i mengaku ajelah yang i salah.  Pastu dia kata lorry tu cat ada tertanggal sikit ( nampak macam dah lama ). He requested for some money. I asked him to give my number to his boss and let him call me ( sampai now no one call me on this ). Sempatlah juga ambil gambar tempat yang tertanggal cat..takut lah pulak kena tipu kan.

Bila i sampai depan office Ham, wtl bila fikir balik, I am not the guilty party here. The lorry driver tu yang salah...even he said so that dia tak pandang depan. Tadi bila tanya my colleagues pun, everybody said the lorry yang salah.

Masa nak polish, teringat masa car polish ada kat office. My colleague hari tu pakai sebab kereta dia ada stracthes. So polished kereta using my uncle's car polish yang entah zaman bila punya..masih ada residue of the white paint. Today nak try polish lagi..using the one i have. Hopefully boleh hilang kesan cat tu..

Thursday, April 14, 2005

True Blue

Wearing a blue baju kurung today..and i tell you, wtl definitely look good in blue. Feeling quite okay today. Said to myself, he will call if he feels like calling. In the meantime, find things to all the books yang ada with me rite now sebab nanti nak kena return to the owners.

Wtl did say that i nak cerita something kan. Wtl think this has played a part to my mood swing. Wtl tak tahu what happened between me and my best friend.  We used to talk to each other about almost everything. We cried, we laughed at each other stories. Masa she kerja kat tempat lama...almost everyday we talked. Now we work in the same office, we barely say a single word to each other. Bukannya jauh pun her seating place from me..just a few desk away. Pelikkan? Don't know what or where went wrong in our friendship. Wtl don't know what is new in her life, her ups and downs. It's like we are strangers...and i don't like it. Pernah tanya her what is happening to us..did wtl do something wrong. She said i did not do anything wrong and she is always around whenever i need her. Fullstop. If baru kenal sebulan dua..maybe i tak rasa sangat but i have known her for 8 years.

It's tearing me apart...i miss our friendship very much. I hope she will read this and know how i feel rite now.


tak dapat kumengerti
kaki dikepala
kepala dikaki
patutnya menyadari
siapa yang harus
dan tak harus kucari

tetapi tak dapat ku mengerti

yang baru kusadari
kau tinggalkanku
tanpa sebab yang pasti
sesuatu yang harusnya terjadi
kau sakiti aku
kau yang harus ku benci

tetapi tak dapat ku mengerti
tetapi tak dapat ku mengerti

ku mencari sesuatu yang telah pergi
ku mencari hati yang kubenci
ku mencari sesuatu yang tak kembali
ku mencari hati yang kubenci

ku mencari
tetap tak dapat kutemui
ku mencari hati yang kubenci

Lun - Thanks for being such a darling person. Don't worry, i'll be just fine.
Cekya - bila we can rasa your triffle?
Tatotdah dapat chord baru?
Capt D and Enig - mana menghilang?
Awan - love ur writing. Keep up the good work bro.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005



This is my niece Isya...penghibur hati wtl. Dua hari ni tak jumpa Isya...bila wtl reached home, she dah asleep. Semalam Yan kata my uncle and auntie took her to the hair saloon for a haircut. Tak tengok lagi..hopefully today she tak tidur awal.

Thinking of someone. Wondering how he is doing..dah few weeks tak heard from him. Nak call hp..his hp hilang. Dah sms his brother minta suruh he call me tapi senyap ajer. My emails pun tak berbalas. Hope he will ring me soon.

Something is missing from my life...searching for it. I think i know how ND have felt when he wrote about this thingy in his blog. i think i will write about this nanti..

Monday, April 11, 2005



We've been friends
for so long
that I don't know
what I'd ever do
without you.
We've watched each other
change and grow
in so many different ways,
celebrating each other's accomplishments
and supporting each other's dreams.
You've been the best friend
any person could be,
and on your birthday and always,
I hope you know in your heart
how much that friendship
means to me.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my dearest sis is her birthday. She is my neighbour at Malacca. We have been best friends since ages and still are. I share most of my sadness and happiness with her. My dearest...i wish you all the happiness and love in life. My birthday is also around the corner..another 5 days i am another year older.

Today someone called me. A friend i know long time ago..tak tahu kenapa he called. Because he tersangat-sangatlah jarang call me unless kalau he ada financial problem. Macam beria-ia nak jumpa mind was wondering why. if nak pinjam sorry sebab myself pun tak begitu financially stable this month. Banyak benda kena bayar. Now wtl berhati-hati nak pinjamkan orang's not that i don't want to help but when i really need the money, have to ask from them for so many times until wtl pulak yang  rasa malu.

Ada tak kadangkala rasa sedih without a strong reason? You want to cry but you cannot. Maybe because wtl tired of crying.

Lun --> What did i do during the weekend? Nothing much lah Lun. Pergi tengok-tengok my house and then visit my uncle and aunties.
Cekya --> Seronoknya bercuti-cuti Malaysia. You can come to my house any time :)
Danny --> Away on honeymoon...from work. The ship is quiet without you.
Tatot --> Feeling better dearie? hope u are.


Saturday, April 09, 2005

Am I Lost?

It's raining outside. Hujan di hari Jumaat...orang kata hujan rahmat. Bukan ke hujan itu memang rahmatNya tak kira hari apa pun.

Semalam tak pergi jogging. Keluar lambat dari office and the traffic pun quite back. Masa tengah jalan nak pergi the carpark nampak colleagues tapi tak sempat nak stop the car and tumpang. So evening walk to carkpark replaced my jogging session.

Lupa nak mentioned my close friend, Oat, balik bercuti from Bahrain. Best betul dia cuti sampai sebulan. Last nite she called tanya if wanna go out sebab dia bosan duduk rumah. Lepas minta direction to her place i pun keluar. Memang betul i ni buta jalan. Dah reached that area tapi i terlepas her sister's place. Ingat nak cari tempat untuk pusing balik but ending up buat U-turn 2 kali at the same place but tak jumpa the susur keluar to Bandar Tasik Permaisuri (BTP). After that twice u-turn, i made an assumption that the exit is perhaps kat depan lagi sikit. Know what happened? I drove until i reached Bulatan Kampung Pandan and made one round to head back to BTP. Masa balik pun macam tu. Oat showed me few route until i got confused. Despite the direction she gave me after i sent her...i still got lost. Did not where i am going, i reached at same traffic light i was at few minutes before. To cut the short, i finally found my way back but jalan jauh sikit. Am i buta jalan or what? Just for the record..we had the famous 'Sate Hj. Samuri'.


You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.

Find out your color at Quiz Me!

I took this quiz and the result -->BLUE is my colour. Yes...i love blue. My room painted blue, i got blue baju kurung, i got blue skirt and blouse. Lots of blue paper files on my desk. If somebody wanna get me must be blue colour. Hihihi..kidding.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Evening Walk

Semalam watched Sepet for the 2nd. The vcd version, ada scenes that not being shown in the cinema. Masa kat cinema i missed the first 10 minutes..tengah beratur beli tiket. So bila my cousin cerita pasal Jason menari lagu " Dia Datang" i am quite lost.

My two years old niece, Isya pun tengok Sepet with us. Ada masa like really concentrate...macam faham ajer. I don't know what time Isya slept last nite..quite late, perhaps 2 am. She slept early and woke up at 11.30pm..apalagi playtimelah. Auntie dialah jadi mangsa. I buat2 tidur in hoping that she will lay down and sleep..seems to fail. Dengan happynya she tried to open my eyes with her hands...oh, baby sayang bukan auntie tak nak play but i gotta work and it's almost 2am. Tak sabar nak balik..the house akan sunyi without her.

Tadi Cekya tanya why semua orang senyap ajer. Perhaps everybody is buried with work like me. Baru aje habis with the April renewal. Now kena buat reports pulak..satu dah selesai and 2 more to go. Perhaps when the busy season habis, things will be back to normal and the ship akan meriah balik.

Now dah park kat tempat parking baru..the one yang kena jalan kaki about 15 minutes. Tiap-tiap pagi exercise..sampai office ajer buka kipas. Panas and penat. Mungkin nanti akan biasa. Waktu balik tak ada masalah sangat sebab boleh tumpang officemate. Ohhh..sungguh bercinta nak jalan kaki lagi esok.

I got something in my mind..perhaps i will cerita in my next posting.

Nak balik and pergi jogging, Ham dah call few times. Nak fetch her and then pergi Lake Garden. Kena jalan kaki sebab my officemate belum nak balik lagi

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Sing Along

Daughters - John Mayer

i know a girl
she puts the color inside of my world
she's just like a maze
where all of the walls all continually change

I've done all i can
to stand on the steps with my heart in my hands
Now i started to think
maybe its got nothing to do with me.

so fathers be good to your daughters,
daughters will love like you do,
girls become lovers who turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughters too.

Oh you see that skin
its the same shes been standing in
since the day you two met
i bet i was on your mind
never ever any time

Oh yeah
so fathers be good to your daughters,
daughters will love like you do, yeah
girls become lovers who turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughters too.

boys you can break
find out how much they can take
boys will be strong and
boys soldier on
but boys would be gone
without warmth of a woman's good good heart

on behalf of every man
looking out for every girl
you are the god and the weight of her world
on behalf of ever man
who's looking out for every girl
you are the god and you are the weight of her world

so fathers be good to your daughters,
daughters will love like you do,
girls become lovers who turn into mothers
so mothers be good to your daughters too
so mothers be good to your daughters too
so mothers be good to your daughters too

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Monkey Business

                                                                                                       MONKEY BUSINESS(Gamelan Music)
Presented by Five Arts Centre & The Actors Studio. After 6 highly successful concerts and an album, the popular Rhythm In Bronze ensemble is back with another project! Monkey Business is a collaboration with theatre master Krishen Jit and much-loved choreographer Judimar Monfils to showcase the ensemble musicians as central and creative performers in a theatre production. The musicians and performers will be involved in acting, movement and solo performance, apart from the virtuosic ensemble gamelan playing we've come to expect. Monkey Business will see the Rhythm In Bronze ensemble extend themselves and their music into new  and innovative modes of performance.

Someone can read my mind.

On Wednesday while watching, Yan told us nanti ada music gamelan at wedding reception pihak lelaki. I was!! that's great sebab i memang like gamelan very much. Even bought the cd. Tak tahulah but the music is so soothing. Can't remember bila i develop interest kat gamelan music...maybe masa uni. Yesterday, my jogging partner, Ham called and asked me if i am interested in nak tengok gamelan music at The Actors Studio. this sunday. It's her sister , Achik punya kumpulan gamelan yang buat performance.  Without hesitation, i said the pepatah Melayu, seperti pucuk dicita ulam mendatang. I read about this performance in The Actors Studio  newsletter, i think one or two months back.. Memang nak pergi but i thought the show dah habis.

Ham said if she knows that i suka gamelan, she would have given me the gamelan cds yang  Achik gave her after all her  performance. How cool is that?

This gamelan thingy has brighten my day and looking forward to this coming Sunday.