An addition to the family..another one

My sis just got engaged last saturday. Alhamdulillah, all went well. The wedding insya’allah somewhere in december. Going to b a very simple wedding.

One of my cousins also plan to be engaged this coming november.

Perginya Tak Kembali

Aku tak pernah lupa untuk mengikuti perkembangannya..sedari ia lahir ke dunia sehinggalah sekecil ini meninggalkan kita semua.

Amir Yusuf, nama yang begitu indah untuk anak yang istimewa ini. Ketabahan dan semangat juangnya sangat tinggi hinggakan aku jadi amat kagum dan terharu. Tiap kali melawati blog ayahanda Amir, aku pasti berdebar kerana tak tahu what to expect. Ada suka, ada duka. Aku mengharapkan yang terbaik untuknya.

Hari ini, setelah beberapa hari tidak melayari internet, aku terus ke blog Fajar untuk mengetahui perkembangan anakanda Amir. Begitu teringat kepada anakanda Amir Yusuf. Kunjungan kali ini begitu berbeza…diselimuti rasa sedih yang amat. Allah lebih mengetahui dan menyayangi Amir Yusuf.

Alfatihah buat anakanda Amir Yusuf yg telah pulang kepadaNya pada 6 Mac 2009.

Buat Fajar, Anis dan Najla – tabahkan hatimu menghadapi segala ujianNya. Allah mengetahui apa yang terbaik.

Salam Aidilfitri

Selamat Hari Raya buat semua

Maaf atas segala salah and silap.

Ramadhan Kali Ini

It’s the month of Ramadhan once again. All the same except this year, Ayah is no longer with us to celebrate Ramadhan. Emak pun dah cakap tak nak buat raya preparation macam last year sebab Ayah dah tak ada. On the other hand, Sal is now part of the family. This year, Anuar will beraya with his wife.

To all, selamat berpuasa. Rasa malas nak tulis, nanti sambung lagi

To be or not to be

I am swarmped with works. Terkejar-kejar. Sampai mimpi pasal kerja. Ermmm.

I strongly believe one will be punished by Allah for their bad deeds one day. Someone said this to me once which stick like a glue in my head..”takkan selamanya susah.” Allah Maha Kaya.

It’s almost 9pm…nak balik rumah. Esok another day.

After months of silence…

I has been quite sometime since i last posted an entry or visited my blog. So much to tell..somehow laziness just swept me away from posting any entry. If i could post an entry just by thinking about it, the words will be flowing like river. I know there are loyal visitor who once did complain why there was no updates. This one is for you, my dear.

Work has been very hectic and tiring at times. Being a new start-up, there are lots of things to put place in such a little time. Nevertheless, quoting from my boss “yes, there are lots of works but i am much more happy here than in ***.” I can’t agree less. Definitely, more happier mentally and spiritually. I feel the sense of belonging. Here their ‘Badan Kebajikan Islam’ is very active. We have Yassin and Mathurat recitals every months, Tafsir and Iqra’ classes every Monday and Thursday. As well as, kuliah agama by Ustaz/Ustazah on Tuesday and Friday. For the first time in my working life, i find a balance..dunia dan akhirat. Something which is quite difficult to find in this modern days. Alhamdulillah.

My ex-housemate is now staying with me. It’s good to have company, …cast away the loneliness. And recently, i got myself a cat…Kiddy is his name. Such a cutie.

I still misses my dad…no doubt about that. My situation is a reversal of Lun, I think I was much closer to him than with my mom…I always asked him before making any important decisions. I missed our telephone conversations, i missed talking to him in the car and i missed all about him. i longed to have that moment again..i know it’s impossible. My heart ache. This is so sad, even now as i write. One can never understand until they are in the situation.

here again but…

it was her birthday. should be a joyful day.

it was on the contrary, she did not feel it.

a pretense of happiness.

she is bleeding deep inside.

she feels alone…more than ever.

unsettling thoughts

While i succeed in career, i fail miserably in personal department.

It does haunt me sometimes if not everyday.

I enjoy my independent, but can’t deny the need of companionship.

There’s a missing link in my life.

Sometimes i wonder will i ended up alone in old folks home.

Am i experiencing a mild depression?

I need sugar and spice to my life.

If i fall in love again…

If i fall in love again, i want to be someone who can control her emotions and not compromise with unwelcome negative thoughts that make herself uneasy and sad.

If i fall in love again, i want a person who loves me more than my love for him and it is not because i am being selfish but for once i want to know how it feel to really be loved by someone.

If i fall in love again, i want to be showered with surprises every now and then. Not asking for something fancy, something simple and sweet but will be just as lovely because it comes from someone i love.

If i fall in love again, i want it to be the last and the one.

the best is out there

I am honored knowing there is someone who actually notice my capabilities when people in my own department keep a blind eyes and would rather employ outsider than develop the talent within the organization. Had he offered to take me in his department much earlier i wouldn’t be looking for another job and gladly accepted his offer. The opportunity learning from one of the best can be quite tempting. Almost change my mind about leaving but wouldn’t be fair to my future boss because i have promised to join him and he is willing to buy out my two months notice. Another thing at back of my mind was whether can he really pull the string in getting me in when my own department is also shorthanded and the decision is in the hand of the CEO. Say if he does, the environment is still status quo, i will still feel like the low caste employee like what i am feeling now and there is no guarantee that it will change…not for any time soon.

Having a confused mind, i sought to istikharah, seeking guidance from Allah to make the choice of my future. I woke the next morning with a firm decision and did all that need to be done. I am still being bombarded with questions,even today, by my colleague who would be very happy if i joined her department as to what are my decision and trying to convince me why i should take the offer. Later on the evening, received a phone call from the future employer informing my medical check-up went well and they need my joining date for them to issue the offer letter.

I can foresee ‘interesting days’ ahead of me with lots of questions, answers and reasoning to be made to the decision i made.

As so far what i can say is “Alhamdulillah, it all went well”. Allahu Akbar.

---

No longer here

new year, new place
~~ Bubbles of thoughts

Show me the light

About a year ago, a friend told me about a job in Dubai but things weren’t so certain at that point of time whether it’s going to materialize. I then joined the present company..which won’t be long before I tender my resignation (please pray it all go well). I had second thoughts before I handed over my application to my ex-boss. I did ask if the Dubai thingy is definite, still can’t give me solid answer. I had to find another job soon or I will go cuckoo. I’d rather leave than not appreciated.

Just when I am about to go for my employment medical check-up, I was told that the Dubai thingy is on. She wanted my resume, saying the director is looking for his right man and she have me in mind. I gave my word to my ex-boss that I will join them and at the same time I really want the opportunity of working abroad.

Oh dear…I am so in the dilemma!!!

breeze your way

A year ago i had a crush on someone. Yesterday, after keeping it for a while, my good friend broke the news..she is going settle down. With him.

It’s hard for her to let the words out..i know.i am shocked still but what really matters are for both of them to have a blissful marriage.

should i be sad or be glad?

Cakap Memang Senang

My bro is getting married in June and my family have decided untuk upah a cook in order to save the cost. My aunties and uncles disagreed with the idea and prefer catering with reasons tak ada orang nak tolong with the preparation. Konon area my house tu org susah nak datang tolong. Takkanlah duduk berpuluh tahun tak ada org nak datang tolong bila kenduri kahwin. They gave all sorts of reasons. Instead thinking of the ways to smoothen the process, they gave all the negative thoughts and bombarded my mom with it. Damn!!

Really pissed off and sedih. Bukanlah nak mengungkit, when their daughters/sons got married, i really helped them out but bila my bro mcm2 cakap...so much for families!!

Perhaps Cekya is right after all.

***
the doctor has confirmed my fears...sugar in blood quite high. 12.50. Sigh!!!
new lifestyle now...

Oh let me shut my eyes, close out

Something is missing and i just hate the feeling.

Alfatihah for my auntie, Achik Eton. She passed away last Friday.

Bad, bad, bad guys are out there!!!!

I am officially a Pandan Jaya resident now that I have moved there. I am still tired of the moving, unpacking and rearranging. Lots more to go. Probably will finish in few days.

On Saturday, Cekya and I went to Zoo Negara as we had a photoshoot job there. On our way back, suddenly there was something wrong with the air-cond and I saw the heat meter was pointing at the red box. I quickly stopped at the opposite of 7-eleven Pandan Jaya. I was about to open the bonnet when one Indian guy appeared out of nowhere and asked "kenapa? Kereta rosak ke? At the back of my mind I was thinking how did he know…I might be just checking the engine. I nodded and planned to go to 7-E to buy a bottle of mineral water. He told me he got water and pour into the radiator. The water came out of the bottom of the radiator..the flow like there were two holes. It puzzled me because my car was okay in the morning. If there was some problem with the radiator, there should be some signs. He said he can arrange for repair. I remembered Nora told me, her neighbor have a workshop and just told him need to go to my aunt place…and it's a walking distance. He gave me his number if I decided to repair and mentioned that most of the workshops were already closed. Mindboggling and puzzled, I came to an assumption..my instinct told me that these guys must have tampered with the radiator and had been trailing me. Luckily I used the Pandan Jaya route, if I were to used the Kepong route, they might succeeded in getting the money.

It still pissed me off because I have to fork out extra money to repair the radiator when I also have to pay the house rental and deposits for the house I moved in not to mention other expenses. My budget is very tight this month.

Semua itu telah berlalu
Harapanku palsu
Dan mungkin hari yang satu
Terus ku tertunggu

Di hatiku masih kamu
Belum pernah ku ingin terus memburu

Aku lemah tanpa kamu
Ku inginmu dampingi ku
Aku fahami aku bukan terbaik
Tuk dirimu

Namun aku tetap aku
Yang terbaik tuk diriku
Hanya satu
Hanya kamu

Ku membiarkan hatiku
Tuk merinduimu
Ku menghamparkan sakitku
Tuk tatapan kamu

Welcome 2009!

Other are celebrating new year out there. Am down with fever and diarrhea. Can't seems to sleep..it's hot and sweat is rushing out.

Happy New Year!!