Friday, June 26, 2015

How long will it last?

As I grow older, I see and observe a lot and the more cautious I become especially when it comes to finding a partner and marriage. Call me picky, choosy and whatever terms you have. That were some of the words people said for single lady at my age, me not excluded. I strongly believe as men, women also have the rights to choose. It really annoys me when I heard men said single women are choosy and for the actual fact they are choosy too in finding their other half.  Finding a husband is not like buying clothes in the mall. Then again, even in buying clothes, most women are very particular, I am for one. Even more so, in the finding a life partner.  Yeah, we are talking about till death do us part, not till divorce do us part. Off course, we want the best for us.

Recently, I met up with a close friend and she told me that she is going through a divorce process.  I was shocked because I did not smell any problem, all seems going very well. She kept her years of suffering to herself and pretended to be happy. I guess now she had enough of bottling up and time to move on. I did not ask of the details but knowing her for years, I know she must have strong reasons to do so. As a friend, In Shaa Allah, I will be there for her to go through this.
I also saw someone stay in marriage for wrong reasons. I would rather she get away from her mentally abused marriage but I am an outsider.

In my opinion, couple do not have to stay in marriage if they can’t see eyes to eyes in everything and always bickering with each other. Do not use children as the reason to stay in marriage because at the end of the day, the children also suffer. They will grow up and understand. But, if it can be worked out and the couple are willing to do sacrifices to make the marriage works, by all means do it.

These kind of stories has make me feel a bit scared of marriage. So many "what if" questions in my mind. What if i met with a wrong kind of guy? What if it does not last long? I will never know but I believe Allah is the best Planner...just put my trust on Him.

Once you do embark upon the separation or divorce process, it is very important to remember three key things: Be kind, be reasonable, be brief. Remember that this person will no longer be your spouse, but he or she will continue to be your co-parent, family member, and perhaps business partner in certain assets or entities.


Pak Idrus said...

Marriage is an institution. For it to survived in the ever changing society especially in the new Millennium it has to reformed. In the beginning the institution was just for couple to have children when the sole breadwinner is the man. It no long so nowadays. The norms and value of the past era is different from now; in the past the woman did not have any education or career but now that has changes. Even the word Orang Rumah now is look at differently; unless the man is willing to adept the changing time and be an Orang Rumah where the woman is the Breadwinner or the one who take-home pay is higher that that husband than the marriage is a problem from the start. It is time the man accept this as a fact and I am happy there are already man who are ever willing to be the Orang Rumah, taking care of the home and the kids. For a marriage to be successful both parties must accept that time has change and both must share responsibility when they are at home. Unless that is done then the marriage would not last. At present according to statistic there is a divorce every fifteen minutes among the Malay. For a couple to be successful in marriage both parties must accept that marriage is a contract between the two and both parties must adhered to the term of the contract that for a marriage to succeed the spouse should be the Husband/Wife, the Lover and Friend on equal terms all the times otherwise it would failed. There is no easy formula for a successful marriage. It changing time and the institution must reformed with times otherwise it would not works.

Yati WTL said...

well said Pak Idrus..

how higher is the wife income, if she acknowledge the husband is still the head of the house and leave her authority at the office..i guess it will be fine.

Lee said...

Hello Yati...allow me to give some tips here, this from an ex-buaya, myself, ha ha.
Men too love compliments....and where women are concerned, be a good listener, never bring out or mention ex-husbands ke boyfriends, or MILs, when with him, give him your fullest attention...don't be distracted by that handsome waiter who looks like George Clooney...turn your head to look, habis cherita la tu!
And this the killer blow....

Remember to compliment him..."I suka your shirt colour, very nice". And the one compliment buat his kaki lembek? Tell him, "You have a nice smile". Tentu dia lupa nama mak dia! Habis cherita!
Oh ya, avoid mentioning 'babies', 'wedding dresses' or "my friend Salmah getting married next week..." etc...
Men will chabut to Sarawak bila dengar tu semua, ha ha ha.

Use fishinglogy....nanti tu ikan tarek the line first. Sebelum you tarek!
Have fun and simpan satu lagu dalam hati.