It is way passed my beddy-byes hours ago and i still can't get myself to sleep. Been changing from one position to another, yet my eyes are wide open and i got only 4 hours left before i start my new day at work. Work, work, work..is it all that i can think off? Sadly yes, at the moment and lately, i seems can't get myself to focus on my work...that is bad. Perhaps i need a break from work for a while, wouldn't want to be a dull person. Thinking back, i hardly take any day off from work for a vacation. The only days off from work is basically for my exams or medical leaves. When it comes to weekend, i prefer staying home..just sit back and relax. Oh no!!! i am dull person? Something got to be done about it. First, i need to plan a vacation for myself. Maybe it will give me time to indulge myself with leisure activities and get my mind off from thinking about work. As for now, better hit the sack and get myself some sleep.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
Now i can imagine what it's like when they said about pimple and it's unpleasant ache. Why so...because at this moment i got pimple in one of my nostrils. Gosh, i hate this dull ache..this is one of those very rare situation for me. Please just go away...
Friday, January 23, 2004
It's the time of the year again..
As we grow older..festive season does not seems to differ that much from the normal days except for all the foods and cookies. Maybe for the fact, when we were kids all the things are being taken care of unlike now all are from our own pocket. We no longer care that much for new clothings as we are not going to compare it as we would when we are small. Mind the mood, most important, it's time to get together...newcomer to the family is being introduced and others tightening the bond among each other.
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
If you loves somebody set them free,
If he/she comes back to you, he/she is yours,
But he/she doesn't, then it was never meant to be.
Sometimes i wonder if i am i trying too hard or am i hoping too much...but what the heck, if you believe in it, there is nothing wrong in trying or hoping. At least some effort is being put in it...well, eventho, the outcome is not what i would hope it to be. My relationship ended yesterday. Reason given to me was that his work is to be-all and end-all. I accepted that but it was his remarks thereafter that buttoned up my lips and hurt me even more.
In this sheer of sadness, i refrained myself from trickling a tear and kept saying to myself that things are going to be alrite...in hoping that i would be strong. I don't know, i might work or might not. They say for bad things to happen, there will be even more good things coming our way..guess i have to stick on that quote into my head using a super duper glue.
Monday, January 12, 2004
This Friday, my boss akan berangkat ke Mekah untuk menunaikan haji. Moga selamat pergi and balik. Before he left sempatlah juga buat my appraisal. Overall, alhamdulillah, the comment amat memberangsangkan. He only appraised me for 60% and another 40% will be appraised by another boss. Hopefully dapat promotion this year and good bonus despite the loss incurred by Selendang Ayu, Proton and Tsunami.
Bosannya nak balik rumah..semenjak raya selalu sorang-sorang kat rumah sebab adik yg duduk sekali tu tak balik lagi ke KL and my other housemate pukul 11.00 kadang-kadang baru balik. Tak sabar nak tunggu minggu depan..aku akan ke KK from 20/01/05 to 29/01/05. Bye...
Thursday, January 08, 2004
Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.
We often hear people talk about their fear...fear of failure, rejection,heights and the lists go on and on. It is not an uncommon thing or word to each and everyone of us. The only difference is the degree of it and how it affect our lives. Personally I think, there is nothing wrong for being afraid, just not let it rules us or it make us become emotionally handicapped. Fear isn't always a negative thing, it can be good thing provided if we know just how to handle it.
People keep saying that the flowers in the highlands are more beautiful and yet we still prefer the ones in our garden. The reality is, we rather stay our own comfort zone, pretending everything is okay whilst the actual fact it doesn't. Why did we or why did i? Is it because we feel safe and secure? The answers lies within ourselves, one thing for sure, what out there is beyond our knowledge and we don't want to take any risk.
I used to have fear of others not being able to accept me as I am and I will try to do everything to pleased people around me for that. I blamed my past experience for the fear, not realizing that I am the one having inferiority complex. I am lucky someone in my life made me realised that, made me see things in a different angles. I moved away from the person I used to be to what i am now. I am not saying that i am totally a new person, just that i now seeing things positively. I feel good about myself now. i don't regret stepping out of the comfort zone. If people can't accept me for me for what i am, i don't lose anything. I might meet others who would. There is a blessing is disguise for everything that happened, might it good or bad.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Recalling the good old days...i would not have thought that i am going to enjoy poetry as i am today. The truth is i don't have any passion for it. I still remember the time when i had to recite a poetry in front the whole class during my primary school. At that moment i really wish that the clock would tick more faster. The words that are still fresh in my mind "Augustus was a chubby lad; Fat, ruddy cheeks Augustus had;"
Years passed by, still my interest isn't there, until Kak Sunida, a friend i knew in my tuition class wrote a nice poem in my book as a rememberance of our friendship...i still keep the book eventhough 13 years gone by. I then began to collect the Malaysian Post, a forthnightly magazine, where public can send it their poems. In the magazine, i came across a poet by the name of Puteri Nelana, who spurred my interest in poetry even more with her writings. How i wish i can be just like her, able to have way with words in expressing thoughts and transformed it to a beautiful poems. For this passion i have in poetry...i have to thanks the both of you.
Kak Sunida, wherever you are, thank you for the poem and wish you all the happiness there is.
Puteri Nelana, whoever you might be, i hope you will keep on writing and inspire others the way you did to me.
I leave you all with the poem that starts it all...
Have i cast a shadow upon your life,
Have i wrongly represented your thoughts,
Have i injected the devilish idea about men,
Have i, most of all, killed the principles
that you so dearly hold.
All i can tell you is, I've never intended to let things be that way,
I am just an ordinary person
A fragile being, an innocent creature,
Who will walk this way but once,
Just the same as you are.
I am, like all humans,
An imperfect creation,
I live through trials and errors,
I was faced with tempations,'
I've stood thick and cold,
through frustration, suffering and agony,
And lastly, i choose to ignore.
The wish of my heart,
Asking for your forgiveness, if i've been wrong
This is just a path of life,
And i'll tell you, the difficulty in
life...is the choice.
Monday, January 05, 2004
by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!