biarlah

ku anggap dia pemangkin walaupun nun di sana. ceria hari ku. aku tak peduli. jika hanya aku yang punya rasa, tidak dia. juga ingin rasa indahnya. pergilah duka. bawalah sinar pelangi. aku rindu pada bahagia.

terlalu istimewa

sukar untuk melepaskan. terlalu cinta. menjadikan aku disergah kesunyian yang amat. sakit dada menahan. perlukah begini? tapi sampai bila?

Jike benar sekali pun, layakkah mereka mempersoalkannya? Aku juga manusia seperti mereka. miliki hati dan rasa.

what would your answer be?

This came from a 5 years old girl (anak my boss)

• Kenapa pampers budak kecil besar tapi pampers orang besar kecil?
• Rambut abah banyak putih. Apa kata kita panggil yang putih tu rambut and yang hitam itu uban?
• Kenapa orang dah kahwin ada anak tapi orang yang tak kahwin tak ada anak?

Be creative and tell me ur answers..


*Wtl, Cekya & Ann (Cekya's friend) met up with I_mshe and Nuha semalam kat Impiana. It's good to see I_mshe again. Body still maintain kurus and Nuha...so so adorable.*

**got myself a pair of elle shoes..brown colour. I like!!!

Persis Mutiara - Mila AF5

Biar kau tunduk bisu
Aku tahu
Gelora hatimu
Engkau mahu
Aku lafazkan rindu

Biar kau hanya diam
Aku selam
Jiwamu terdalam
Perasaan cintamu yang kau pendam

Kata paling terindah
Tak mungkin bisa ucapkan
Hakikat rasa yang ku rasakan

Pabila ku renung ke matamu
Terlihat ku hatimu kasih
Persis mutiara

Sinarmu mendamaikan
Pergolakan
Insan yang lelah mengembara

Tak terbilang kesan-kesan luka
Titis hujan airmata
Tenang sebentar pedih semula

Buatku rasa gentar
Membisikkan hasrat hati sebenar
Sekalipun engkau inginku lamar
Kasihku

I didn't really follow AF5 in fact AF yang lain juga but semalam watched the final of AF5..suka dengar Mila nyanyi as well as masa Aizad nyanyi lagu Yesterday. Aznil tak jadi pengacara AF lagi. A tribute him semalam buat wtl rasa sedih pulak. Some yang will replace him, have to do extra work and be original.

Where are my tyres!!!!

For the past few weeks i parked my car at Batu Tiga commuter station. Did not expect anything bad to happened. Last night as usual by 6.30pm i went back. Sampai kat kereta i did not notice anything weird. Got the engine running but somehow the car is not moving either to the front or backwards. Well, something is definitely wrong. Takkan kereta stuck kat mud..mustahil. The day before, i saw kereta kat belakang my car got puncture tyre, on the right hand side depan and belakang. I thot perhaps my tyres pun kena mcm tu. Got out of the car checked my tyres and found out that someone had taken 2 of my tyres..tayar depan and belakang sebelah kiri. Rasa nak menjerit pun ada...dah lah penat.

called my brother, my classmates and my cousins. At first, thought of towing but then my brother sampai, followed by cousins..they letak my spare tyre and my brother's spare tyre and guna aje nat campur-campur since jumpa mine 5 aje.

The car now kat my uncle's place..nak beli tayar and rim kena tunggu gaji next week. So today tak gi kerja since my brother overnite kat his friend's place semalam and balik kerja today terus pergi Kenyir.

Tension giler...memang dia orang dah tak ada kerja lain gamaknya. I won't forgive them!!!

Aku Bukan Pilihan Hatimu - Ungu

Jika memang diriku
Bukanlah menjadi
Pilihan hatimu
Mungkih sudah takdirnya
Kau dan aku
Takkan mesti bersatu

Haruslah slalu kau tahu
Ku mencintaimu di sepanjang waktuku
Harus slalu kau tahu
Semua abadi untuk selamanya

Karena ku yakin
Cinta dalam hatiku
Hanya milikmu
Sampai akhir hidupku

Karena ku yakin
Di setiap hembus nafasku
Hanya dirimu
Satu yang slalu ku rindu

teringatkan dia...

i will be in SG on the 5th - 10th. will be visiting the brokers and 2 days course. As well as meeting up with Lun, Masyi and Ligo. Can't hardly wait. Should i let him know? masih berkira2..perhaps before boarding the plane.

to be or not to be...that's the question

Yesterday..

I had a chat with this one guy about muta'ah and misyar. He said earlier that dia plan nak find someone for muta'ah. He asked my opinion about it and i said i can't give any opinion without knowing more about it. Based on my reading, muta'ah is haram whilst misyar adalah diharuskan and i think what he meant was misyar. Told him that and said perhaps he should not see it from the surface and seek understanding and knowledge on that before embarking onto it. His simple reply was i don't like theories, if all the ustaz kata harus..siapalah kita nak argue. Duh!! Ni lah namanya nak buat tapi nak tahu in-depth abt it. Later i told him if you really want to do it, then he should at least know what are the other party i.e. the woman rights supaya it won't create any difficulties. His answers really pissed me off.
him : awak ingat Tuhan tak tahu woman rights
me (beristigifar) : Allah Maha Mengetahui..cuma manusia yg tak
him : i tak ragu2 dgn agama i
me : what are trying to imply?
him : you seolah2 ragu dgn agama u
me (dlm hati) : Na'uzubillah

Terus i jadi pissed off..i am just spilling out my opinions, mcm tu pulak jawapannya. terus malas nak layan.

Today..

Going to work is such a drag..i rasa my work is so routine and stagnant. Been applying jobs here and there. Still no answers. Ray (the scorer) plan to do his PhD next year. I pun ada intention to do my PhD but nak buat kat oversea. When think about it the easiest way utk dapat sponsorship utk buat PhD is by becoming a lecturer and if i am still in the industry..i am sure if having PhD with change a thing. Ada MBA pun, tak ubah apa2. Some people will say that i am crazy..gila belajar. Macamana nak cakap ya..i love studying walaupun the exams and schoolworks tu memang kadangkala buat tension. Perhaps that explains why i have not really stop studying since my degree days. My previous experience..i boleh tahan 2-4 months aje, lepas tu dah rasa rindu nak study. Ni tak tahulah mcmana.

This is just a plan..but intention nak buat PhD tu memang ada. If tak buat, then i will go for my fellowship. See what my dad have to say about it...from small asyik nak suruh anak2 dia jadi che'gu.

A colleague of mine after reading an email abt Raja Nazrin's future wife send an email to F****, one of the broker i closely work with, teasing him on Zara being her sister because of the surname. To our surprise he replied yes..she is my youngest sister. We laughed as we were only teasing him and did not expect it's true. Anyway, to Raja Dr. Nazrin and Zara Salim Davidson, wish you all the happiness.

it all pays..

Alhamdulillah. The viva presentation went well. I think this is my best presentation through the entire course. After the presentation, one of examiner said to us "this is a very good study". All our efforts and sacrifices now bear the fruits. No major changes need to be done, only some editorial work. Officially, i have completed my MBA and only waiting for the results.

Thanks my dearies for you wishes and doa.

Wish me luck..

Tomorrow is my viva. Listening to Lin's story on today session did add extra weight to my nervousness. There are some dissatisfaction..can understand their feelings. Really hope we won't be bombarded with tough questions.

Doakan wtl okay...

Something Missing..

Cekya, Awan, Cekmi, Azell and Julie - thanks for the lovely birthday treat. really enjoyed myself that nite.
Cekmi ~ thanks dear. appreciate the gift.

Today my office organized annual golf tournament..luckily this year buat kat KGSAAS. Just 10 min from home as compared to last year, had it atNilai. Me..playing golf? Not yet..i was one of the committee member. The weather was just nice..tak panas tapi turf lah soggy sikit sebab hujan.

Balik from the club, singgah TESCO. Ingat nak beli a few items tapi bila seeing the crowd at the counter, i changed my mind and headed home.

Basically i dah tak ada class, tinggal the viva this 4th...takutnya. Pray for me please. It's good to have my saturdays and sundays back. I got lots of plan at the back of my head but somehow, i feel there is something missing..i miss going to class (minus the exam and schoolworks) and miss my friends. Suddenly, i feel like i am lost and tonite feels so sad..especially bila tengah buat movie strip of my class. I miss them..i really do. Talked to Zam about this and she also felt the same. Wonder about the others...are they feeling the same? My guess..YES. I need to adapt to these changes.

This is so sad...

The day i celebrated my birthday, 32 families lost their loved ones. My heart goes the deceased families. Lives of innocent people are of no values to others..so sad

all will come to an end..

the past few weeks my life had been so hectic. i don't care what happened around me. all i care was to finish my thesis on time. I took a whole week leave from the office last week. Am sure people thought that i was somewhere relaxing and having a good time. how i wish lah kan. the fact was, i spent my days and nights at uitm..trying to get my ABP (Applied Business Project/Research) aka thesis done on time. As mentioned in my earlier posting..i had to do my thesis during the semester and at the same time i got classes to attend to. Lecturer are also not compromising..but can't blame them, they also need us to gave us with assignments as part of the coursework. Unlike the seniors, they have 3 months solely for ABP. Having to do thing in a rush, really test our patience and endurance. Me and Aya slept at the 24 hours discussion room, had our shower at the toilet. A memory to cheeris. A day before handing in the ABP, we did not sleep for 30hrs (that is the time when Cekmi smsed and wish me), had to berkejar to office to print, balik to uitm to rearrange the pages and appendices, pergi kedai for binding and submitted it to the 2 examiners, supervisor and faculty..yes it was a very tiring day for us. So happen, it was the day of my BIRTHDAY. Easy said, i dated my thesis on my birthday and went to sleep after that. A lovely way to celebrate.

My life is like "makan ABP, tidur ABP"...there were times when we had our lunch at 6pm, at 8pm..we were caught up with works until terlupa lunch. I joined up with Aya for this ABP..there were some group of 3 but yang buat kerja 2 orang aje. Yang seorang tu either give very minimal effort or no contribution at all. Macam-macam masalah yang other groups encountered. My group was not an exceptional. Our supervisor was not around to assist us as she was on medical leave after underwent an operation. So, tengok orang jumpa their supervisor on their finding analysis, rasa sedih juga lah sebab tak ada sesiapa nak proof read our ABP. It will backfires us masa viva nanti.

Decided to see the coordinator about our problem. I went to see her in the morning and told her about our problem and she just said your supervisor will be back on Monday. HELLO!!! Monday is the submission date..takkan nak hantar je. Then Aya smsed our supervisor with the hope to see her at home. She replied the sms and asked us to seek help from our coordinator as she is really unwell. This time i went to see her with Aya with a notebook in hand hoping that will have a look at our work. To our dissappointment and anger, she said i tak ada masa nak baca..i ada banyak benda lain nak baca and it is not my line. A coordinator can say as such..she is SUPPOSED to help us yang in need. She called another lecturer, which was our Marketing lecturer to help us. Lepas tu terus sambung her work tanpa giving us a word of comfort. Tau lah dia nak supervise the top student aje tapi being a coordinator you should also have empathy pada the studentsn (so lecturers out there, don't pick and choose). Even some of the lecturers tak faham why do we need to do our ABP in a rush and some even thought that we dah tak ada class and solely buat ABP.

On Sunday, we went to seeDr. S***** . She was really helpful. She even wanted to help us with our power point presentation. Thanks Dr. S*****, you really save us and thanks for comforting us. A group she supervised is having some problem juga..hanya M (from next class) yang buat kerja. Yang 2 lagi habuk tak boleh harap. He did cerita his problem pada Abg R masa friday prayer. We got to know pun from Abg R..memang kesian dengar his story. So lepas Dr. S***** tengok our work, we asked her about M's group. She said if she did not receive anything from the group, maknanya kena deferred lah. Aiyokk. Terus both of us rasa kesian kat M. Takkan sebab 2 sleeping partners tu, M tak boleh grad. Tak patut. Yang group member dia sorang tu at the moment kat overseas and the other one tu hari Sabtu baru jumpa. Yang i geram tu..depa ni bukannya ada class lagi, hanya tinggal ABP aje. Unlike M, still ada class like us and every week ada presentation. If he managed to do his part, why can't them? Some people. Aya said something that i had thought last friday after i heard the story from Abg R..why not let him be in our group? It is unfair for him not graduating for the fault of others. He has done his part, they don't. Called M that nite with our proposal...i guess i rasa segan and serba salah sebab dia masuk our group when it's 95% done. For us, we don't mind. Just want to help a friend.

After the submission, headed back. Kat rumah tetiba rasa 'empty' and sedih. Maybe because these two weeks life been hectic and terkejar sana sini and ABP is the penghujung of 2 years of hardwork. No more rushing to classes to class after this, no more discussion, no more night meetings at uitm and no more suasana hingar bingar class...i am going to miss all that and my foremost, i am going to miss all my frens. Sedih la...

We are arranging a farewell dinner this saturday after the exam...even more rasa sedih.

All good things will come to the end and i hope our friendship will not.

two celebration

to two of my bestest friend in class :-

~ shahri : Happy 35th Birthday man..jgn nakal2, u know what i mean. ahaks. You, Aya n me.. lets go tepanyaki
~ aya : I am happy to be the second person to know after Ikmal, off course. Congrats my dearest..take good care. Hope it's a baby girl.

Hope our friendship remains.

Thanks zel for the lovely cupcakes...

only that for so much effort?

had a meeting on KPI..now kena tambah 2 new KPIs i.e. number of contract rework ( utk kira error lah juga ) and number of errors ( reports ). Rasa macam mmg nak cari silap je. why did i say that? weightage utk risk assessment and number of risk processed is only 2% but utk rework 20% weightage. same goes utk reporting...all my efforts utk buat report cuma diberi 3% weightage but for number of errors 10%. And this two KPIs are only for executive level and assistant manager. Should i even be motivated to look for a new job?

What is Your Best Feature on You??

What is Your Best Feature on You??PICS

Gorgeous Eyes
You have absolutely gorgeous eyes. They have so much depth behind them. You are a true emotional, and romantic. Times get hard, but you will always have that special someone to get you through things. You love to write poetry, and express your thoughts. But your one thing to do is Crying...on the inside and out. You may never realize it, but times will get better, and you'll always have a love waiting for you, if you dont already have one.
Take this quiz!








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welcome little one

I_mshe..congrats atas kelahiran Nuha Alia. U take care and moga cepat sihat. Jangan lupa post her pic and minum air gamat.

i am scared..

went to see the ENT specialist today. This is my 2nd appointment with him. He told me of something that me feel kinda scared. During the first meeting, he took some sample of the infection in my ear and sent it to the lab. Tadi lepas he did the suction kat dalam telinga, he told me that the lab dah run the test of the bacteria and it seems that the bacteria is so strong. The bacteria is resistance to all the antibiotics they tested except for one..yg itu is through injection. I saw a long list of the antibiotics..all coded with R (i saw 2 pages of the list). He did not want to give me the injection..my guess is that antibiotic might be the strongest one. I am going to see him again this friday, to remove the cotton i have inside my ears. Due to mastoic cavity as a result from the mastoidectomy operation i underwent in 1999, the specialist had to put 3 strip of cotton instead of the normal of only one.

i am scared...any suggestion on how to increase the immune system?

a different life

falling in love with this song..

lately going to work it not something i look forward to. not that i don't like the job, i do..it's just that i don't feel the challenge anymore. i feel i am doing a mundane day-to-day work. This most probably because i have been doing the same old job for the past 6 years. i crave for more now. did my MBA do that to me? wanting to explore new things, face new challenges. I want to speak to my boss about it but haven't had the chance to do so. At the same time, i am trying my luck for something totally new...

In contrast with work, this final semester has been the busiest semester of all..barely had time for myself and the lecturer treated us as if we are doing the programme fulltime. So much of work until we feel there so little air to breathe. Every group are required to present 3 chapters of the book...we are practically the lecturer. She just listened, interrupted once in a while and expected us to know the chapter in our fingertips. GIRLS, watch out!!! She will find ways to get you one way or another. GUYS..no worries, you are the lucky ones. She do things the PhD way...aiyok!!! The one who suffers is US. Alhamdulillah, this saturday is the last class..exam day.

In a month or two i will complete my Masters program. It has been a wonderful experience and also a bumpy road as well. I shall miss my classmates, miss the weekend classes, the night discussion and everything related to it. God knows. I am thinking what shall i do next, PhD? I might..but not in this near future.

My Dearest Classmates ( Aya, Shaari, Zell, Zam, Iz, Ismar, Ray, Lan, Abg Zack, Abg Rusly, Abg Mie, Acid, Sham, Mahani, Rizal, Abg Yunos, Shazirul, Suriani, Abd Radzwill, Kak Yan, Zura, Raslan)~ it has been a wonderful 2 years of my life and definitely will treasure those moments. Love you guys.

it's 1.20am and i just reached home from u**m. tomorrow the same thing, work & went to u**m. preparation for the exam. applied for leave this friday, hopefully it will be approved.

KPI...

speechless...

pm : a) i feel like shit
b) i suspected something but how to know for real? { nothing related to (i) }
c) if it is true...and then i will be sad (bukan the kind of lovey dovey punya sad, okay)
d) if it is true...moga dia jumpa jalan pulang.
Period

Things in life

I got tagged by Lun..here it goes.

5 things i would do if i were a millionaire

• Perform haj together my parents & siblings
• Build one yayasan for my families..paid for their educations, medical expenses and charity
  
• Start a business..event planner (Redmedia Event Management..sounds cool), bookstore or art and craft
  
• Travel to places i long to visit..New Zealand, Holland (tulipss..just love them), Oman, Tunis etc etc
• Build house..for my parents and for me. A nice house facing a lake..with gazebo and ada kebun buah-buahan
  

5 bad habits

• Procrastination...bila last minit baru kelam kabut. Study pun mcm tu last minit baru nak revised...baca awal2 tak masuk dlm otak.
  
• glued in front of my notebook for hours..sometimes skip makan
• tidur lambat...tak boleh tidur selagi tak pukul 12am. dah terbiasa since uni days. so not good.
  
• Put myself second. selalu put others' feeling first, then only diri sendiri...
• Tak buat exercise...lama dah tak exercise. kena start balik ni. Fight the kemalasan.
  

5 things i hate doing

• REPORT!!! & MORE REPORT!!! in excel form pulak tu. boleh menaikkan marah
• Basuh baju...washing machine rosak, kena handwash. bercinta betul.
• marah...tak suka nak marah and futhermore tak reti nak get back to people. selalu missed the boat...oh!! i should have said this or that.
• Iron baju..especially my silk baju kurungs. I will take an hour to iron my silk baju kurung and it explains why i jarang wear it.
• Naik lrt yang very crowded like dlm tin sardin pagi-pagi coupled with rude people and the waiting time for the bus at kat lrt bangsar untuk pergi office...urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. talking about efficiency and services.
  

5 things i never do

• watch horror movie...
• bungee jumping and anything to do with height.
  
• suck up to my boss for promotion
• smoke, clubbing, alcohol, gambling and yang seangkatan dgnnya
• guna toilet and letak tissue banyak2 sampai penuh dalam toilet bowl that buat toilet bowl tu tersumbat. This happened okay..byk kali kat office. Dah letak notice pun still jadi lagi. pissed me off betul. nak tahu juga siapa the culprit yang tak ada toilet etiquette.
  

5 things i regret doing

• something sinful juga...moga Allah mengampunkan segala dosa2ku. Biarlah rahsia.
  
• for not giving the very best when i know i could have done better.
  
• Dengar cakap orang onPelan dan Dongakan before masuk the exam hall. cost me my Modern Math result...patut ikut apa yang i faham. SIGH!!
  
• Kecilkan hati my parents...
• tak belajar betul2 masa my first year in uni...affected my CGPA. Had to work extra hard the remaining years. Learnt my lesson after that.
  

5 fave toys/things

• my laptop...need it everyday.
• my cat..Baby. miss her
• my books....esp Kay Hooper's
• bracelets given by my mom and dad
  
• www.walkthrulife.blogspot.com
  

5 person tag

• biahnce
• azell
  
• kurekuresakti
• nana
• nobody

Note: really thot that today is Friday and esok cuti. Sigh!!